It was the first semester of my first year of college. I was desperate… desperate for approval, desperate for love, desperate to fit in. Tony seemed like a nice guy, though I had only met him once before. He asked if I would be his girlfriend, and I agreed. Over the next couple of months, he quickly started pushing past my boundaries. He would lay on top of me (he was 280 pounds) and make out with me until I was gasping for breath, give me a minute to breathe, and then start again. I became increasingly uncomfortable, and so broke things off. That night he came to my dorm room and asked to have one last cup of (non-alcoholic) eggnog, which was a tradition of ours. He said he just wanted closure. I didn’t watch him pour it. I took a few sips quickly and realized something was wrong, but by the time I realized I had lost control. My body fell to the side and he caught me. He pulled off my bottoms and underwear. I was aware of what was happening but paralyzed (I realize now he must have used ketamine). Everything was hazy but I knew what was happening, even though I was mostly numb and couldn’t move. He started penetrating and thrusting, but because I couldn’t move my body slid all over the place. He grasped my wrists, thrusting hard. I blacked out for a minute. When I woke up again, he was still thrusting, grasping my shoulders hard. I blacked out again. When I woke up the next morning I thought it was a nightmare. I was confused… my clothes were off, I was bleeding slightly, my eggnog had been spilled everywhere, but I was still too drugged to put the pieces together. I became pregnant from that rape, and lost the baby at 16 weeks to a miscarriage.
— Survivor, age 23