Hi so my story started in 2001 when an acquaintance kidnapped me at gunpoint and forced me to his home. I was repeatedly raped again and again with him having a gun to my head threatening to kill me. I remember picturing my daughters having to identify my body and survival kicked in. This man told me he had killed before and gotten away with it and he could kill again. He held me a little over 24 hours. He finally started drinking and because he had been up for 24 hours straight he was sleepy. I took this opportunity to convince him I had enjoyed my time with him and that I should go pick us up some hamburgers. Surprisingly he was hungry and gave me a $20 to pay for the food. I walked out the door and it took everything I had in me to remain calm and hold it together until I got out of his driveway. I left there and headed straight to a friends house because I didn’t want to be alone. I picked him up and went straight back to that town where this had occurred and went to the hospital. They called police and did a rape kit. I had scratched him down his face so I would have his dna there. I also hadn’t bathed like he had thought I did. I faked that and put my rape clothes under the sink for police to find along with the tape he had used to bind my hands and feet. I had literally done their investigation for them yet somehow even though he was arrested my case never made it to court. This was in 2001. In 2012, a US Marshall had tracked me down and I was told that this man had raped and killed another woman just 3 years before he had kidnapped me. They wanted me as a witness and to try my case as well. This information hit me like a ton of bricks. That night I ended up in emergency room with a major panic attack and thoughts of suicide. It’s like my brain just can’t process that I was almost killed. This is 2018 and even after 6 years of therapy, I am unable to function in society. I have panic attacks when I have to go out in public and I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder. Clinical Depression and anxiety. I made it a point to attend all court dates and he was convicted of murder and received 40 years. However 40 years doesn’t mean he’ll do 40 years. I’m still afraid of men in general and refuse to leave my apartment unless I have to. I’m on 6 medications and still in therapy. I jump at the smallest noises and I check at least once a week on the inmate search portal just to make sure he’s still in prison. Oh and they never tried my case so he’ll never have to register as a sex offender. I’ve included the newspaper link that goes over the case.
— Tina, age 45
Dear Tina,
What a nightmare you lived through so many years ago! It sounds as if you were certainly very smart to leave evidence in addition to getting out alive!!!
You are a brave, strong survivor! I stand proud as a fellow survivor who hopes you can fully heal and THRIVE in your years ahead. There is hope for more healing and strength. Thank you for your bravery by telling your story!!! I hope you’ll continue to talk about your experience!
Dear Tina – thank you so much for sharing your story here. I have to say that your instinct that helped you to survive is really remarkable. I’m sorry the legal system failed you. I continue to be so deeply disappointed when I read about situations like yours, but please know that I believe you, that doesn’t make it your fault, and it absolutely doesn’t make me admire you less or mean you were and are any less brave.
I know it might sound like a really long time, but I don’t think it’s surprising that 6 years of therapy hasn’t been enough to work through that information and your experience. You went through some MAJOR trauma and that was brought right back to the surface with that phone call and probably every time you went to court (which, by the way, was extremely brave of you). Please continue to be kind to yourself as much as you can. I’m sending you so much love and light and solidarity. Love, Alexis
What a heartbreaking story; I’m very sorry for your dreadful experience. Your former acquaintance is sick and twisted and should deserve a life sentence for his crimes. The legal system failed you and that is angering, just to know he won’t be registered nor is he truly getting what he deserves for committing those crimes. Men or women like that should not walk freely without horrific punishment. You are so, so brave for posting this! I cannot imagine the amount of suffering you had to go through, so the fact that you can speak out is so admirable and empowering to me! I’m sure it is empowering to other men or women who have read this, as well. It is completely okay to have fears like that, especially since you went through so much. You are so brave and I love you. Have a great day and take care!