From the ages of 11-13 I was raped by my mother’s boyfriend. She knew it was happening. It began with me waking up to him standing in the doorway of my room. Then it progressed to stroking. It wasn’t necessarily sexual touching but it felt wrong. Then I woke up to him on top of me. I don’t always remember the nights clearly. I guess they all blurred together after awhile. But the nightmares always begin with him getting on top of me. The rest of it I don’t want to talk about. He has never been prosecuted. Some days I have more anger towards my mum than him. Why didn’t she stop it? I spent years not speaking to her. She apologized a few weeks ago after finally breaking up with him. I’m about to turn 20. I have regular nightmares. I feel dirty, unlovable, damaged. I’ve made improvements but part of me feels like these feelings will never go away.