Living With Us

I grew up in a very happy home. I loved my parents, siblings, relatives and whoever my mother brought into the home. I have 5 siblings (one is adopted). I have two older brothers, one older sister and a younger sister. From when I was young my mother would help children or even grown ups. She would bring them into our home and treat them like another child. When I was 14 a boy who was 20 was kicked out of his house. He was friends with my brothers so my mom felt sorry for him and brought him into our home. He at first referred to them by their names. One weekend my parents went away. (He had been living with us for 3 months already). I share a balcony with my younger sister. My sister decided to sleep with my grandmother and she asked my older brother to sleep in her room so I was not alone upstairs. Thinking my brother was sleeping there, I left my balcony door open. But this man convinced my brother (without me knowing) to sleep in his room and he’ll sleep in my sisters. I can’t remember what time it was. I think around midnight, when I woke up with a fright with him standing next to my bed. He whispered something and at first I couldn’t hear him and so I kept quite when he placed his hand over my mouth and held my legs down with his leg. I am a small person so he held my hand in one hand and climbed on top of me. He whispered if I screamed he’d hurt me. So I didn’t. I tried to scream but I had no voice, I tried to run but it was like I was completely paralyzed. When he was done he told me if I told anyone, he’d do it again. He blamed me and told me no one will believe me and I’d look like the slut. I had just started fitting in my school I didn’t want to give people reason to hate me. I started pushing people away including my family. I asked my parents to ask him to leave but I could never say why I wanted them to leave. He started calling my parents mom and dad. One day I went to him (I had avoided him) and told him if he didn’t leave I’ll tell everyone. He then left and went back to him mother. I became depressed and started fighting and pushing people away. Whenever someone asked what was wrong o couldn’t tell them so I kept quite and that hurt even more. My grades went down and I fought with my parents even more. I started cutting myself and when I ran out of space I’d cut over that. A person from school noticed my cuts and asked what was wrong. I just said I was having family issues. I went out and got drunk and told someone what has happened to me. After that night I told my parents and everyone else. I guess it didn’t get better per say. I haven’t gotten any help and my depression gets worse. My best friend ended our friendship because I was to depressing for her. And we’ll I’m trying. I haven’t survived because the war on my head still goes on but I haven’t lost either.