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Loss of Trust

I had a boyfriend. We were happy. I can’t say I loved him but he made me feel important and safe. I loved someone else who cheated on me when we were together so that’s why I couldn’t be with person I loved. I was happy with Sam though. He was trying so hard and everything was so perfect. We got engaged and I booked a wedding venue. All family was so happy for me and was looking forward to our amazing wedding. But few months everything changed. He started to be very aggressive and very jealous. We started to argue everyday. I started to be struggling to be with him. I didn’t love him and I started to be very unhappy. I was scared to tell him as I knew how much he loved me. But finally I couldn’t do it anymore. I told him first that I don’t want to get married any more and he went so angry he started to shout at me so bad so I told him I want to split up and that he need to move out. I gave him a week to move out. Next couple of nights I was wearing big t-shirts and long leggings to sleep I don’t know why just didn’t want he look at me anymore. But day before he was meant to move out he woke me up in the middle of night he grabbed my hair and he raped me. I said so many times I don’t want to but he did it. I feel I didn’t do it enough as I could shout and try do more to help myself but I didn’t. He moved out. I never went to police as I was scared and thought they won’t believe me. Few months later, I find out I am pregnant. Because we didn’t have sex for about month so that’s why I know I got pregnant when he raped me. At that point I got back to my boyfriend who I loved so much and he told me to do abortion but I couldn’t. It wasn’t this baby fault so I could not kill my baby. He left me. I am 5 months pregnant now I am going to have a little boy. I am happy but I don’t know if I should go to the police. I have a prove as when he want ed to get back to me I emailed him “you raped me in my own house. You have no idea how much I hate you. Just leave me alone and never come back” and he replied where he said he admits what he did.

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman


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