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Marital Rape

I myself experienced rape but it is a very different type and a very unique situation that made it hard for me to really know how to handle it at first. I was raped by my husband. It is one of those subjects that is a gray area where the lines are blurred. People think you are making it up or just exaggerating but it affected me. I had 2 young children and was always tired and began using sleeping pills to help me sleep. He felt rejected sexually because taking care of children made me too exhausted to have sex so instead of being told no he would wait for me to fall asleep and I would wake up to him having sex with me. The final straw came one night when I had gone out with some friends and we had a lot to drink. I came home and went to sleep. Passed out. He had sex with me while I was out. The crazy thing is I was completely aware of what he was doing. I was awake but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t stop him. When he was done he put my clothes back on and got ready for work like normal. He went to kiss me goodbye and I was finally able to move. I turned my head away from him and he began to get upset. He asked my what the matter was. I yelled at him “you know what is the matter! You raped me!!!” I took a shower and when I got out he was laying on the floor crying saying that he was a useless piece of $#!%. I didn’t argue with him. I just ignored him. He then tried to kill himself and I called 911. I was done. I was going to leave him, but he was a survivor of child abuse and child abandonment and I felt like he did something wrong but me leaving wouldn’t help him. Instead I had to be strong. I made him get help and in turn he helped me. When I would have anxiety and couldn’t breath at night he would hold me and listen to me. I would tell him everything. Everything I felt. Everything I was afraid of and him listening day in and day out to what I was going through was his punishment. But him being there and helping me through my PTSD and getting the therapy and help he needed for himself helped me heal too. We are still married and very happy now. I was strong enough to stay. I didn’t stay in a bad situation, I changed it and it helped both of us. I am sharing my story because I am sure that there are many women out there with similar experiences and because it’s her husband, doesn’t think it is rape. It is. He needs help. If he doesn’t see anything is wrong and is not willing to get help you have every right to leave. It is abuse and is not ok. I only stayed because my husband wanted help. It is not wrong for a wife to have sexual boundaries. It is not wrong for a wife to demand respect and refuse to be continually victimized. It is not weak for a man to admit he needs help and get therapy.

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