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Marital Rape and the abuser in my life

I’m not sure where to start. Years ago I met a much younger man who would not leave my side. He is not in the U.S. legally. Now it’s clear that back then, he was looking for protection, and security, and he found that in me. He was subtle in his actions, and not much for words. We married 3 years later and had our little girl in 2010. When my daughter was 10 months old and we had only been married for 3 months, he started to rape me. I left him because the mental abuse was too much for me to handle, but he didn’t leave me alone. In 2011 I filed for divorce, but the divorce wasn’t finalized because I didn’t have all the money I needed. He moved super close to me and going against my wish for divorce took me to live with him instead. By this time, and after all the emotional abuse I had endured, I felt powerless. A once independent woman became co-dependent of this man. I had no job, no money and no transportation. The cars and business we had were all in his name and he controlled me this way. To complicate things, our small child was so attached to him. To make things worse, my child would get fevers when he left for days. He had the upper hand and was always a step ahead of me. Whatever I said to him was like talking to a wall. I eventually divorced him and I gained part of my freedom, but he’s made it his mission to accost me. the law doesn’t support me because it’s a civil case. He’s managed to convinced others that I am unstable so that he can continue bullying me. He is now trying to take custody of our daughter. I feel this situation is out of control, and pray for my daughter’s safety every day she spends with him because he has joint custody which he uses to have control over me. The only thing keeping us safe at this time is the order of protection I currently have against him and exposing him no matter how crazy I sound. In his determination to get his papers, he remarried and filed to get legal status again. If he is given a green card, it will be as if he’s given a license to kill. He will feel more powerful against me, and who knows what he’ll do. I haven’t discussed my marital rape much because when I have, I have been blamed and judged. At one point, when I told my previous attorney and the parenting conference mediator, they accused me of wanting custody of my child. I don’t know if I married a rapist, or what kind of criminal he is because I only know the stories he’s told me. I never met his family, or childhood friends because they’re all in Mexico. I just think he’s had a very disturbed past, and he is on a power trip. I was inspired by your mission and wanted to share my story because rape is in everyone’s life. I cried so much after I watched this film, all the awful memories and emotions I bottled up for the past 2 1/2 years came to life again. This has been my life for the past 10 years.

— Lorraine

1 comment

  • Alexis

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