Hello my name is and I am Rosicler, survivor of rape. Sorry if there is any word or phrase meaningless in this statement because I am Brazilian and I am not as fluent in English. I’m using the google translator to share my story.
I was 4 years old when it happened, I was traveling with my grandparents to the state where they were born which is in northeastern Brazil and we were in the house of an aunt of mine. My grandparents always realize this trip later in the year. They always went there and after the divorce of my parents they decided it would be great to take me to get away from the problems of my parents and separation.
Many of my memories of rape are still blocked, according to my psychologist that was the way I found my brain so I could continue blocking all about it.
But everything changed when I was 12 almost 13. One night I went to sleep and had the most horrendous nightmare world dreamed of a man on top of me, stroking me and pushing against me was the first memory that came back in 8 years.
In the weeks following this dream became increasingly intense and real until one day those memories started to come back during the day and one of these days. I could see the face of the man who was doing that to me was my cousin. After these memories came back I started to get depressed and I started to isolate people today. I’m 30 and I still cannot deal very well with it even having regular consultations with a health professional in mind.
My grandfather died and I currently live with my grandmother. I would like to open up and tell her what happened on that trip but how she would react if he knew that his nephew did this to me. Even more with her current health status, I do not know if one could handle news like this.
Currently only my sister knows what happened. I had a boyfriend to whom I told this story but unfortunately in May 2015 he died, and since then no one else in I trust to divide this dark part of my life. But I’m here sharing because I know you more than anyone else in the world understands my pain. I saw Brave Miss World on TV and saw that I’m not alone on this journey and share it me. It gives strength to live another day Thank you for not having fallen silent when everyone said you should do it. It was very important to me.