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Molestation

This happened to me 20 years ago. My older brother by 3 years started touching me and gradually raping me. I don’t know how long it was going on, I think a few months to a year. I don’t have a lot of memories of the abuse,only pieces of it, I do remember it hurt. The funny thing is that he would come into my room in the middle of the night and start touching or licking me but if he saw that I was awake he would stop and act like nothing was going on like I’m an idiot or something. I finally confronted him and demanded he would stop or else! He indeed stopped, I think because of my threat.

It happened to me when I was 10 years old and up until a few months ago it was a secret that I never shared or talked to about with anyone. Just a few months ago I dared telling my friend about it via email since I still cant get the words out of my mouth but I felt that if I won’t tell it would eat me alive. My friend of course promised that I would never be alone again and that we would talk about it on my own terms and then suggested therapy because although it happened 20 years ago it still affects me in almost every aspect of my life.

After i told her I used to have nightmares of her telling me she couldn’t be my friend anymore after what I had told her. I don’t know why but one of my big concerns were that by sharing this secret it would hurt our friendship and now I do want and feel I have to talk about it but I feel that she doesn’t want to really hear about it. I don’t know how to move past this. I don’t know, I feel I’m slipping away…

3 comments

  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Frank
  • Sydney

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