Molested at 8

My god brothers and my godfather sure did love me. Being a child in the 80s was innocent fun. You could trust anyone. So it wasn’t a big deal for me to spend the night with my god brother “Tim”. He was around 9. “Jim”, my oldest god brother was 15. One night “Tim” wanted to show me something. He said there was a way that girls make boys feel good but i couldn’t say anything cause I would get in trouble. The next thing i know i’m laying under him, naked. At the time i figured i was supposed to hurt to make him feel good. This “game” happened every time i spent the night. One night while he played with me his big brother “Jim” walked in and caught us. Tim got off me but we just laid under the covers butt naked. Jim didn’t say or do anything, he just stared at me. I can remember i wanted to cry because i thought he was guna tell my parents. He closed the door and Tim finished his game with me. Now Jim had always loved having me on his shoulders. He would tickle the inside of my thigh and went higher and higher every time till he was no longer tickling my thighs but my private. I didn’t say nothing. I let him do it. He also loved to sit me on his lap, but I thought it was his belt buckle on my bottom. Anyways, back to that night Jim caught us, later that same night i woke up from a bad dream i guess and left the room. I heard Jim awake in his room so I peeked in and he told me to lay down. I told him i was scared and i fell asleep. Fast forward to the present day, I lost contact with them when i was around 11. I found them on facebook a couple months ago and I confronted the oldest one with what i remembered and he couldn’t stop apologizing. I told him i have had these horrible nightmares of him on top of me hurting me. He confessed it wasn’t just nightmares but repressed memories. I made him tell me what happened that night because I couldn’t remember. He said i laid by him and he held me. He removed my shorts and fondled me. He then orally molested me. He started to insert his penis but it was painful for me so he took it out. He said i just fell sleep. When i asked him if there was anything else he did and he said no. But i was always on his shoulders or on his lap. My godfather, from what I remember, only sat me on his lap and when he would pick me up to hug me and my legs wrapped around his waist, his arms wrapped around my thighs and his hands on my bottom but his fingers were always in the center of my legs. (Thats why i never let anyone hold my daughter like that). Anyways, there are still missing pieces to my memory puzzle and it’s frustrating. I still have some nightmares and now i dont know if there nightmares or repressed memories. I guess i’ll never know.

— survivor, age 35