When I was almost 10 years old my father started molesting me. He would come into my room and pretend he was there to help me fall asleep but all he was doing was touching me. I’m crying right now just remembering how scared, dirty, defenseless I felt every night. For eight years I felt like this. I was always afraid to go to bed because I knew that he would follow me. I never told anyone but I am sure my mom knew what was going on.
I remember one day when I was 11, my sister and I were sick and we fell asleep in my parents bedroom watching tv; I was woke up in the middle of the night by my am dad touching me. This is how I know my mom knew, she was in that same bed!
As I grew old enough to know the situation and to understand that what he was doing was not right; he used to tell me that he did it because he loved me. How could he do this to me? My own father!! I started going to bed really early and locking my door so he couldn’t come in, He would come every night and knock on my door, some days he would get really mad because of the door being locked. I always pretend I was asleep and I never opened. I think as time went by he realized that I was not that little girl anymore and that he could not do those things to me anymore.
Time went by and I moved out to go to college. My senior year in college my younger sister, 18 at the time, confronted him about him molesting her. I guess when he realized he couldn’t get to me anymore, he moved onto my little sister.
I felt and I feel so guilty, because I could have stopped him. If I would have say something about it…
I was so proud of my little sister; she had the courage I never had. My sister speaking gave me the courage I needed and I told my mom, She pretended she didn’t know and she acted surprised, but I know she knew. And the proof of that is that she is still married to him, even after she found out what he did to us.
I am now married and with a little daughter of my own whom he does get to see. I do not have a relationship with him anymore, we haven’t spoke in 8 years. He said that everything is a lie, that we got together and made these stories. So not true, my sister and I were both unaware of the other’s situation. We both were ashamed of telling. My dad, a name that he doesn’t deserve, every time I used that word to refer to him I feel sick inside. He even pretends to be sad and disappointed by his daughters.
I have never confronted him. I just told my mom. I know this site is about being brave, but I am not. I never had the courage, almost evey night I think about confronting him. I think about what I would say. I think about telling my younger brothers who were too young when my sister and I told our mother. I want them to know who he is.
One day I hope I can be brave. One day I hope I can stop feeling ashamed. One day I hope I get the courage to tell my husband. One day I hope I get the courage to confront my mom for not being there for me. One day one day I will be brave and confront my father face to face. One day I will tell him how much he hurt me. And I know one day I will not suffer anymore.
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Thank you so much for posting this. First of all… what your father did to you and your sister IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It’s so easy to think he would have stopped if you’d said something but first, you don’t know that for sure and second, he might not have. You are SO brave for surviving, going to college, getting married, having a daughter who you are protecting. All of that is amazing and inspiring; “bravery” doesn’t only have the definition of standing up to someone who hurt you. If you want to confront him, then I would encourage you to talk to a therapist about how to do that in a way that will be healing and helpful for YOU. Truth is that him hurting won’t help you feel better but there are ways of interacting with him that will. But I think that’s a very personal decision and process and I encourage you to work it out. Sending you love, Alexis
I was also molested by my biological father. I was abused by him from birth (as far back as i can possibly remember) until i moved out when i was 14. I have had years and years of working through my childhood issues and now am happily married with children.
You can get through. You can overcome this. You are not destined to be an abuser. You are not destined to be attracted to abusers. You do not need anything from anyone else to do this. You have everything you could possibly need inside yourself. You are not ruined. You are not doomed. You are not wrecked beyond repair. You are a beautiful person with an incredible future. You are now an adult. You get to decide. You get to choose yourself. You get the say.
If you are inside this house at this time. If you are underage and are going through this RIGHT now. Please please please get help. Ask someone to help you. Call the police. Tell the police about your life. Tell a friend dad or mom or a teacher.
You have to stand up for yourself. I know its the hardest thing on the entire planet. But you have to. You have to stand up for yourself. You HAVE to be brave! You CAN be brave! I believe in you!
For all the girls out there who may be reading this, you are not alone.
Others have overcome your struggle, and you can too.
I am writing a book about my life, to be the lighthouse for others in the dark.
It is okay. It will be okay. I believe you and i believe in you.
This has touched and healed a part of very deep pain in myself. Thank you for the exact, perfect words that were needed. I’m sorry for what you went through in order to learn those words. But, I intensely admire your effort and bravery in sharing them. You’re an angel.
How does a woman let her dad see her little daughter, after he had molested you.
I am so sorry… I am so sorry that happened to you and your sister. I am even more sorry because what happened to you happened to me. I felt like you were telling my story. The fear you described sent hidden forced images resurfacing back in the most painful way imagineable. I wish I was brave too. I have been keeping this burden all to myself for the last 5 years (I don’t exactly know when ‘he’ started to molest me, maybe because I forced myself to try to forget it but the most prominent memories were from when I was 16). I didn’t & still don’t have the courage to tell anyone because I am still so scared. And utterly disgusted of myself for letting him do those things to me. I should’ve said something. Yelled, cried even for someone to help me, to stop him. But night after night, I was frozen in fear. Lately, I have been reliving those memories more and more and yet I still don’t have the courage to tell my mother. She & my father separated for good when I was 17 & he has been out of our life for 4 years. But lately he has also been trying to reach out to us and the fear has returned stronger than ever. I don’t know what to do. Every day I end up feeling even more disgusted & angry at myself