So…there is only one person in my life that knows this story and it is my best friend. I have told NO one else. I thought I would share because I know you all will listen and hopefully support me. I was molested by my 13 year old cousin when I was 8 years old.
My family goes on a camping trip every summer and my dad’s brother and his kids come along with us. The year I was molested, all of kids were under the age of 13, so the “boy” tent and the “girls” tents were not designated. My brother, my cousin Kacie, and my cousin Michael were int he tent that I slept in. That night everyone went to sleep, or what I thought.
I had awoken to someone on top of me, it was Michael. He was making out with my lifeless, sleepy body. My mouth was forced open by his hands so he wasn’t making out with just my teeth. His hands were running up and down my legs. I remember the feeling of my fleece pajama pants being scrunched up as he went up and down my legs. Then his hand went towards my vagina. His hand went in my underwear and he fingered me. I had not fully awoken yet because I was a heavy sleeper as a kid, but I remember being drowsy and not knowing what was happening. I honestly thought I was having a bad dream. I kept thinking, why would someone want to put their finger up there?? I was 8 years old, I had no idea what anything sexual was. I was not told about sex and foreplay until I was 10 years old. I did not know what he was doing was wrong, I just thought it was strange. I could not move because his body was so heavy on top of me. He just kept making out with and running his hand up and down my legs and shirt while fingering me at the same time. I had finally fully awoken and realized that this was not normal. He pulled down my pants and his body weight finally was not on me. I finally could move so I rolled over to signal to him that I was waking up. I was too shy at 8 years old to yell or scream or even say stop. I just rolled over hoping that I would scare him off. It worked. He backed off and continued outside to pee. When he came back in the tent, I “woke up” and told him that I felt like I was going to vomit. He just told me to sleep if off. So I did. I cried myself back to sleep and woke up the next morning pretending like nothing happened.
The reason I have not told anyone is because I did not remember this event happening until I dreamt about it one day about 4 years ago. It was so traumatic to me that I literally blocked it from my memory. When it came back to me however, I realized that after all these years I have not gotten the help I should have gotten right after it happened. I have had continuous nightmares regarding this day. It is the same dream every single time. Replaying that night over and over again. I have not told my parents because he is my cousin. If they found out they would never speak to his brother’s family again. I don’t want everyone in my family as well as extended family to find out because I’m embarrassed. I am not the type of person that likes attention so telling my parents wouldn’t help. The other reason I haven’t told anyone is because there are so many other cases like this out there that are far worse. So many people have been raped, sexually assaulted, held at gunpoint, etc. I didn’t think mine was a big deal compared to all of these other survivors stories. I guess it is a big deal though because it came back to me after all of these years and I am struggling to heal from it.
Thank you all for reading my story. I feel like I am taking a step into my recovery just by sharing this story on this site.
— Survivor, age 19
Dear survivor,
I am so incredibly proud of you for taking this step and sharing your story. It takes a huge amount of courage to open up and write your story. I want you to know that all of the emotions you are feeling (and have felt) about this experience are valid and normal. I also wanted to tell you that your experience is yours and it impacted you. What others have experienced has no bearing on whether what happened to you was serious or important. It happened to you and its a big deal that you are finally stepping into recovery. I am really proud of you and I will keep you close in my thoughts. Light and love, Alissa
I was also molested as a child. I have recurring nightmares about the incident. The doctor has prescribed Prazocin to help with the nightmares. It has lessened the amount of nightmares. Maybe you could try it
I also feel exactly the way you do, I was molested by my cousin when I was five years old. I have yet to tell anyone and I think this secret will stay with me until the day I die. Im extremely embarassed and sometimes think I’m overeacting for having these feelings inside me of rage and anger. I wasnt raped ther’s people out there that where raped yet I’m making a huge deal about something that happen almost 15 years ago. I just cant bare the thought of telling my parents, after so many years, but at the same time I want someone to know what happen to me.
It’s common for victims like us to think molestation isn’t as big a deal as rape when really it is. You should tell someone you’re really close to. I’ll share my story with you and hopefully you’ll tell someone that’s a family member or close friend. I’m a 22 year old male. I didn’t tell anyone I was molested when I was 7 years old until I was 19. It all started when I went over to my 2nd cousin’s house. One was a 13 year old male at the time and my other cousin was a 10 or 11 year old female. We went swimming in the pool and our grandma was supervising us. When we were done my grandma took me to the shower to wash off all the chlorine water. She called in my male cousin to dry me off while she went to go do something. He closed the door and proceeded to molest me. He told me not to tell anyone or else we could get in trouble so I told no one. That was the only time he did something like to physically. When i was about 9 or 10 he would say inappropriate things, like later I’ll show you how to play with yourself. When he would tell me things like that my stomach would sink I felt terrified and I would try to stay around adults as much as I could. I never repressed those memories I would think alot about what happened to me over next 12 years. In high school I went out and partied as much as I could I started to abuse alcohol and painkillers. When I was 19 I didn’t have the confidence to look for a job or enter a relationship or do anything at all I bottled up all my emotions and my mom started to notice. She confronted me and asked me what was wrong I took a few deep breaths to muster up the courage to tell her what happened me. After that day she asked me if she could tell someone on my dad’s side of the family what happened to me (my parents divorced when I was about 9) I said yes so she told my cousin in law, someone she trusted very much, what happened to me. My cousin in law also noticed I was acting strange because I wouldn’t want to be around my family and I would isolate myself from them. After that my cousin in law told other members of my family what happened, she didn’t say who did it but the cousin that molested me’s sister said it was probably her brother that did it. Most of my family stopped talking my cousin and shunned him. I talked to a therapist when I was 19 and I told her I would wonder what kind of person I would be if I was never molested. Turns out I suffer from PTSD I was in denial that I had PTSD because I thought only war vets got PTSD. I found out victims of rape, molestation, accidents, paramedics, and cops also get it. I accepted that fact that I suffer from PTSD earlier this year and I am going to seek out more counseling. Hopefully you’ll tell someone your story so you can proceed down the road to recovery.
Same thing happened to me I was molested at the age of 6 by my boy cousin then by my girl cousin. Before being molested I caught them doing stuff with each other and I told on them cause I was young and thought it was the right thing to do little did I know that they are oils use that incident against me so I wouldn’t tell on them when they molested me. Years later they said sorry to each other but neither one of them ever said sorry to me rather they told me not to tell their current partners about what happened between them lmao I hold so much anger against And over the years the more I realize what happened to me the more angry I get. Just know your not alone .
I was molested by my cousin when I was 8 and he was 14 then again when I was 12 and he was 18. I have felt the same way you have and I didn’t even remember the trauma until I was 14. Im still not completely okay but the days of thinking about it… about him… have become less and less frequent. I hope you find some comfort in that fact. You’ll be okay, I promise. -S
My cousin raped me when I was four… I’ve been up all night researching the laws until I found this page 🙁 idk what to do… I was so young but I remember everything. I immediately told my bf and he just broke up with me. I’m so hurt and scared… I think I know what you are feeling 🙁
I was molested. Not raped. By my cousin. After mu boyfriend found me crying – in tears. I told him why. And he comforted me. And made me feel safe. But that was all. After a few years of partying and maybe over partying my ‘brother in law’ asked me if anyone had touched me. He just knew that there was something wrong. And I told him the whole truth. He asked me what does he want him to do with this information – I said nothing. You can’t do nothing. It will break my parents if they know what happend to me. My parents have been through enough, and I have got through life with this secret and I am strong and I am ok. But now I have a son. And I don’t want him anywhere near my son, and now I don’t know what to do.
Dear survivor,
I’m so sorry that this happened and so proud that you have the courage to talk about it in the hope of helping someone else. You’ve just helped me and I’m on the other side of the planet… so thank you. I’m hoping you somehow see this and can offer some advice… there is so little advice out there about this kind of thing…
I’m the mum of a little girl abused by her older cousin (she was six and he, 14) and now I want to know – what happens next? A year has passed and we did everything by the book. She told us what happened (three occasions of touching, the last occasion not with hands…) and we got the police AND social services involved – both us and the cousin’s parents. We did everything right and he admitted everything straight away and had counselling and whatever. They investigated and decided not to prosecute, a decision I am content with as the alternative is too awful to comprehend. But what now for my daughter? There is a lot of family pressure for us to just get along now and forget about things, as its all been dealt with and sorted out. My daughter misses her cousin and wants to see him. (she has no concept of what occurred – yet…) so what do I, as a mother, do? What would you do? And I suppose – I want to ask but dread to ask – do you think this will come back to affect my daughter even thought she appears fine about it now? Sorry to ask… If you can answer this one, please do – I can take it.
Sorry this post is so long. Thanks for listening. Stay strong and have a happy, fruitful, loving life….. x
I was molested by two different cousins, I told my mother but she brushed it off, and I have never fully recovered from the fact that no one would believe me or do anything about it, just recently I told my brother because he was visiting one of the molestors and he kept questioning me as if I was going to say it was a bad joke, but I kept telling him this is the reason why I don’t tell anyone because people go into denial and prefer to not accept it, if people ask why victims of sexual molestation stay quiet, this is the reason why. The first cousin that molested me when I was 5, died last year of prostate cancer, he was 21 when he molested me, and died at 73 years old. The second cousin that molested me at 8 years old, is dying from so many things, and I don’t feel sorry for him or pity him one bit. I had to forgive my molestors to go on with my life, but it still haunts me. I can’t see how anyone would continue to want a molestor around their child again this is to MARY, what’s wrong with you?
I was exactly your age when I was molested by my cousin, and my cousin was 13 as well. I can relate to pretty much everything you say… The reasons for not telling before, not wanting to bother the family relations, the `My case is not as bad´ and many more. Let me tell you that you are not alone and that your case is as bad as any other because you are a human being who DESERVES respect and privacy and, even if your cousin would have done half the things he did, your cause would be still awfully unfair and darn relevant.
I have just had to `confess´ to my sister in law (and the mother of my two years old niece) my abuse story. This cousin (thanks God) left my life shortly after the abuse but, unfortunately, has recently reappeared trying to get along with my brother and sister in law. I am SO scared of the true intentions of this reappearance and have been getting nightmares with my cousin putting these nasty monster hands over my niece (my first and only). I just told my sister in law to protect my niece, I know it must have felt violent for her and I know I´ll break a possible new `friendship´, I´ve thought about it believe me, but I just NEED to protect children.
I am telling you this because maybe one day you will need to tell someone in order to protect other people. It is really hard at first but gets better when it´s done and helps a lot.
Good luck and thank you so much for sharing your story
My cousin was 23 and I was 17.
He mouth raped me in his car. After he was done he hugged me and told me not to cry.
Then tried to make me and my family go against eachother so I never tell them what he did. But I did. I wasn’t afraid to voice my opinion. He still tries to stick up for himself till this day instead of accepting what he did.
I went through hell for the past 4 years. But now I am strong and I am not afraid to tell any man “no”
Yes i’m put off from men .
Im still till this day mentally emotionally abused from it.
Even though I may be strong I still do have days where I feel numb when I think about it.
He did so many things but not going to elaborate on those.
I learned that he is a sick piece of shit and a molester. He is not normal.
I believe that what goes around comes around. One day he will get it.
I felt the same way. I was molested by my cousin when I was 6, he was 12. I am now 18 years old and I finally got the courage to tell my mom after visiting my aunt and him a few days ago, i just always get this weird nasty feeling when I greet him, it disgusts me in a way that he acts like he doesn’t remember and I always do when I see him, I’m afraid that this will happen for the rest of my life, I’ll be haunted by the memory. So I told my mom and she was angry and shocked because she wanted to know why I didn’t tell her sooner, and she even told me that one of her cousins also tried to rape her when she was younger, so I sorta felt relieved but I’m just angry in a way that my cousin greets me happily when he sees me and I just wonder if he still remembers what he tried to do to me that day.
I am 56 years old. All of the sexual abuse in the media has me made me realize I was a victim and not a co-conspirator to the sexual abuse done to me by my brother and cousin who are three years older. I have a highly respected job with the government. I always suppressed it, thinking that I allowed it. I am afraid to go to counseling because I never thought it was an issue, due to me suppressing it. I have excellent coping skills. I’m scared that counseling will bring up issues. I also work in counseling. Scared and will probably just suppress more.