My name is Katherine, and my sex ed started when I went to a playground after a softball game. I was 9, and a man joined me. He intimidated me into masturbating him. I only had my mother and 2 sisters with my father out of the house, so I had no knowledge of male physiology. After the surprise ending, he gave me a box of cookies. I knew what I did was dirty, but didn’t know how to articulate it.
In junior high, I was invited to a friend’s party. During the party, I got lost looking for the bathroom, and opened a bedroom door, where another friend was pinned on the bed by an older boy. She was repeating the stop, let me go, no, etc without stop, as was he continuing. I was in shock, and almost peed myself! no one every teaches you what to do if you see this, and I closed the door and found the bathroom. I found her later, and she talked about it, but made me swear that it didn’t happen. I swore, and I swear it was disturbing.
I was a druggie, and I admit it was just to cope. I had a lot of boyfriends and day friends try to get in my pants, but(to my knowledge) no one succeeded until late in high school. I had a boyfriend getting grabby, and he got mad in frustration. I watched as he went to a girl passed out on the couch, and pulled her pants off. I sat in a chair, and watched him rape her without a care from any of us. He finished and went to the bathroom, and probably elsewhere. The girl woke up, and asked if someone, let’s use have sex, with her, and I told her yes, and his name. She said she didn’t care, while I started to think I did care that I did nothing.
Somewhere before graduation, I’m pretty sure I lost my virginity. I can’t say who, or how, or how many times, but I was under the influence, and have the memories suppressed. In discussions in a school group, it doesn’t seem like I was unusual.
On night, just before prom, I came home to come upon people moving in our car. My older sister was in the front seat wrestling with her date. I knocked, and he jumped to rearrange himself, and he quickly walked away. She was very upset, but wouldn’t say how far the assault got. She was disturbed enough to stay awake to talk until dawn.
At one point, I was managing some rentals. Several of us, would inspect a number of apartments and houses. In one, one of my partners found a squatter in an empty apartment. When I caught up, he had her on the floor, crying, and was forcing her to have sex, so he didn’t call the cops. We ordered him to stop, but he ignored us so he could finish it. He then had her do some oral sex so he could engage in it again. When he had enough, he forced her out without the police. I spent some time throwing up. Of course his reason was that she couldn’t call the police. I wasn’t brave enough to on my own, and we checked more places like it didn’t happen.
About a month ago, I went to a friend’s home, where she was packing to sell after a divorce. Not knowing she had company, her now ex-husband came home, and decided he wanted to even up the judgement, and proceeded to rape her on the living room rug. We walked in on the scene, and wrestled him off of her! He left, and she called the police. This time, I had to give statements and get involved, rather than just be a passive listener. I committed to help her in any way possible, Finally.
I appreciate those that take the burden to get involved in help.
Katherine you are not just a Survivor but a Hero also. In the past I was a member of the Guardian Angels Citizen Safety Patrol and we prevented numerous women from being attacked on a regular basis. We were TRAINED equipped and supplied and experienced in active involvement stopping a predator in groups of 6 or more and it was STILL VERY SCARY because the criminal might try to kill you if he does not get his way! When I read that you witnessed your friend’s assault and GAVE THE NAME I high fived you thru the computer, that was very brave. Your friend now knows what happened and she can make decisions based on the info you gave her.A WITNESS is a very powerful person and a gift from Heaven to someone who has been assaulted. I have friends who were assaulted 30 years ago call me and say – ” Do you remember this happening?” And I say yes – so and so did such and such and at the time you said you did not want to do anything. And some of them are confronting the criminal NOW – 30 years later and others are keeping their children away from the criminal and telling the criminal why. You were brave before and you are moving in a direction to be even more pro-active and even braver. Katherine – you do need to talk to someone about your feelings and the criminals who attacked you because it’s not ok, and it’s NOT YOUR fault. You have seen the goodness and satisfaction that can come from stopping the bad guy from harming someone – YOU are very capable of taking that burden and getting involved – Thank YOU – our fellow women need more Heros like you – please keep up the good work
Dear Katherine – thank you so much for posting here. What happened to the women in your life was not your fault. Reacting to an attack seems easy from the outside or maybe even in retrospect… but it’s really not that straightforward. The onus is on the fault of the attacker and not on you. Of course, I am really really proud of you for helping your friend. That couldn’t have been easy and talking to the police and giving statements must have also been difficult. Being with her and listening to her is a very brave thing to do and I know that means the world to her. If everyone just showed that much kindness to a few other people in the world, the world would be a much better place. Sending you love and support, Alexis