April 8th, 2016 changed me in whatever way I let it for the rest of my life.
I was with my friend and a bunch of her friends that I didn’t know in a motel room that night. I’m not the type of person to ever do something like this, but the day before I had found out my parents were getting divorced so I just wanted to escape reality.
Throughout the night people were in and out at all times. We were smoking, drinking, and one other girl and I took a pill. My friend knew I wanted to have a good night and forget my life. She was looking out for me all night, but she couldn’t do that when she was sleeping. I was by far the most messed up person there so I fell asleep around 11pm. At 2am I awoke from a knock on the door for a noise complaint so at that point anyone who wasn’t sleeping there left. I was still very heavily drugged and drunk. I was unaware of who was there or who was even sleeping in the same bed as me. I fell back asleep within a few minutes.
I suddenly awoke facing the wall of the side of the bed I was on at 4am. I was still as messed up as when I went to bed in the first place. I could barely move, open my eyes, and I couldn’t even talk anything was just a terrible slur of nothing. All of a sudden I heard a guy talking to me. Now everyone else is asleep and the lights are off and I’m not facing him so there was no way he would have known I was awake unless he woke me up. He asked me if I remembered him as he told me his name because we went to junior high together as I was a sophomore in HS (15) at the time and now a junior (16). I remember thinking in my head, I do know him we use to be friends, but I couldn’t get the words out. He started touching me everywhere and put his hand down my underwear. He got up and pick me up out of the bed which made me 10x more feathery feeling. He brought me to the bathroom and helped me drink something which was definitely not just water. He started pushing my head down on him and I remember falling backwards on to the floor as I tried to push myself off of him. He pulled my pants and underwear down and pushed me over both the counter and toilet and put himself inside of me. He picked me up and sat me on the counter I tried to get down but he hit my head on the wall and no one still got up to see what was happening. I started pulling my pants up but he just overpowered me and put himself back inside of me. The last thing I remember was passing out unconscious, but somehow I woke up in bed right next to him the next morning.
It’s been a little over 8 months and I still have not reported it to the police out of fear because he is in a bad gang around here. My therapist, family, friends, especially my best friend all tell me it was rape, but it’s still really hard for me to accept that because I was drinking and doing drugs on my own. I suffer from ptsd but for some reason my mind doesn’t want it to be true so now I’m just trying to get by each day without living in fear of a guy getting to close to me.
– Survivor, 16