My 11 Year Old Selfs Story

I know most stories on here about women being raped, but I’m here to share my story as a male 17 year old who was raped at age 11 when I didn’t even know what the term was, when I was 11 I was always this happy naive kid who didn’t understand the dark reality of the real world. My aunt came over to my house every 4 months with my cousins every year we never get to see them and I was always happy to see them, my oldest cousin he was about 15 he was the only male cousin I had and sense I was 5 always looked up to him as a brother and always by his side to be as tough as he was. But the day they came over for New Years changed me forever it was New Year’s Day and the ball just dropped we all had our fun around the tv and did our hugs and New Years resolutions bad off to bed we always went to bed in the same room girls with the girls and boys with the boys, I was about To go to sleep until it happened. It was so sudden and weird for me he did things to me that I’ve never experienced. Before he went to sleep and I laid there wondering what happened, this went on for 2 years and my joyful happiness for my cousins to come to my house became into nightmares I hated it was so scared because I didn’t like what he did to me and always hid from him when we were alone in the house. I cried to myself because I was to scared to tell anyone because a male can’t get raped. It happened many times within those 2 years and felt horrible I hated myself and didn’t know what to do. When I turned 13, I was in middle school and was going through major bullying and didn’t have any friends and these times of my life were my worst and dreadful times of my life I hated myself and closed myself and never opened up, around the same time I felt the need to make a journal of my feelings about my situation and what had happened to me, my life went from so bad to worse because someone had found my journal and read it, I was bullied even more and was taunted by many guys saying “guys can’t get raped” and that I enjoyed it most likely and words gay was thrown around at me, it was so bad I cried myself to sleep and never wanted to go to school. The one day I got the guts to talk to my mom about it and she cried like I never seen her cry before, I cried and she was so devastated and mad. I begged her not to call my aunt to confront them as I was so scared of what he would say because he always told me that no one will believe me because guys can’t get raped and they’ll laugh at me and think I just had sexual inter course with him. But she didn’t care within that week it was so scary because she called my aunt and the worst hung to find out is he was denying everything he even went to a church in front of a priest and denied that he did anything to me. I was shocked and upset that he was lying and my mom began to wonder if I was lying because her sister thought I was lying, but I wasn’t. And I convinced my mother that I wasn’t lying and finally asked my aunt believe me and they were mad they kept this from my father and uncle and decided to keep this quiet from anyone. In the end my mother and aunt choose to forget about it and my cousin has a girlfriend and is out of high school after dropping out and now is just laying around doing nothing but smoking. I hate him and hate what he did to me and the fact that he basically got away with it upsets me every single time. I moved from my old school to escape the bullying and I did but the scares still remain I still feel like everyone at my school knows my horrible event in my life. I choose to sleep my story because I notice I never see any stories of rape with boys and still feel alone with myself because it is so rare, I’m 17 and this has changed me made me realize how cruel the world is and wished I could’ve done something that night if I might’ve tried harder to make him stop, but I know now there’s nothing I could do now.

— Survivor, age 17