I’m sorry that I shared personal intimate details of my life with someone who was supposed to be my best friend. I thought the feedback was coming from a genuine place not of something evil. unfortunately I used to joke with him about my sexual habits how I like hair pulling, spank me aggressive sex. I never thought that my friend would betray me, all our conversations where used to torture me. He suggested that we go to the casino which we had often done before, so I thought know big whoop maybe I might win some money. SATAN was in the drivers seat that night he pulled over into this dark field because he said he had to piss. My nightmare that has changed me forever began, the moment he pulled into that field. SATAN raped me for hours telling me that’s how I like it so don’t act like I don’t want it. My flashbacks are know comparison to my shame and embarrassment of knowing I gave him all the ammunition to use against me. Life sucks for me now I’m a shell of the person I used to be, dating is out of the question. because of the words he said to me as he was raping me haunt me because I still like aggressive sex. the only difference now is I cant separate the two, one was of love and a mutual understanding between partners and the other was rage. Well I gave up on dating because fear and shame has destroyed my brain too the point that I have know feelings at all.
— Survivor, age 45