It was 5 years ago when it all happened (17 at the time). I had a very good friend who I had met through a house mate. We all use to hang out together and party occasionally at our house and invite our friends over. I wasn’t really a big drinker so when we had people over I would only consume a few drinks or two.
On this particular night I had received some really good news from work about a promotion (I worked full time as I had finished school). And was really excited so decided to have a few extra drinks then usual. I don’t recall having more then a 6 pack but I was really intoxicated really quickly. What was odd was that I had eaten all day, and really monitored how fast I was drinking. I can remember sitting in the lounge celebrating with friends and talking about future plans that I had for saving money. I can remember my best friend hugging me and telling me how proud of me he was and how excited I felt.
I don’t really remember what happened after that, but the next thing I remember was waking on my bed with my best friends’ friend on top of me. I was really confused and tried to ask what was happening before he put my hand over my mouth. My hands had been tied to the headboard and I couldn’t move. I remember feeling him inside of me and wanting to scream. He was so overpowering I couldn’t even move my legs to kick him off me.
I dont know what happened next but then I remember waking up to my best friend taking off his pants and climbing on top of me. He forced himself inside of me and raped me for what felt like hours. I couldn’t understand how no one was coming in and checking on me. I wished and prayed that someone would come through the door and stop what was happening.
I woke up the next morning and felt numb. I didn’t have any emotion whatsoever. I felt like I didn’t exist, like I was dead. I tried to talk to my housemate about what happened but they just brushed it off and said I was really drunk and probably asked for it. I never told anyone again.
The worst part about it all was having to see my best friend the next day. He acted like nothing had happened. Like it was normal. I ended up calling my mum and lying that I had been in an argument with my housemate and wanted to move back home.
I suffer a sever depression, and anxiety due to this now. I cant trust anyone. I haven’t touched a drink since and have gained twice my body mass.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Even today I wish that I wasn’t here.
— Emma, age 22