My Boss Raped Me

I was raped a year ago by my boss at the time. I never told anyone we had consensual sex before or at least I thought it was consensual. I always had a vague memory of it and was always heavily intoxicated. One night we were drinking at a friends house and I could tell he was getting very drunk and decided to leave after he made an advance at me. I said goodbye and left to my car knowing it probably wasn’t safe to drive after drinking but I knew I couldn’t stay there. He had already gotten a little rough with me and it didn’t feel right. I went to my car to open the door and he was standing behind me. He slammed me against the car and shoved his hands down my pants he started trying to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him to stop that I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore and just wanted to be friends. He pushed me against the car and end watched me drive away. I went home not feeling great but proud of myself for standing up for myself. An hour later there was a knock at my door and it was him. He had rode his bike an hour in the rain and asked if he could come in. He wanted to talk. I let him in he said he was sorry and that he was in love with me. He said everything I guess I needed to hear to make me forgive him for all of his wrongs. He asked if he could sleep next to me and not have sex. I agreed and said I don’t want to sleep with you. It was fine for a little then he started to try things. I continued to say no until he started to become aggressive. I never said stop again I just wanted it to be over and was scared he was going to hurt me. He choked me and bit me I told him it hurt but he just got rougher. He said he hated me. I felt horrible. The next morning I woke up to him leaving. I had bruises all over my body. We spoke about a week later I told him I was done with him. I needed him to stay away from me. I didn’t want to be his friend anymore. He told me he didn’t remember anything that happened that night. I couldn’t even say it out loud so I said nothing. 2 months later I found out I was pregnant. With much skepticism I told him the day before I was having an abortion I was looking for some support. Help with cost or at least one last ditch effort to show me he wasn’t the monster that he was to me that night. I received no support just manipulation. I had to work for home for three months after being raped by him while being pregnant. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to lose my job and he was so well liked at the job that nobody would believe me and I just didn’t want anyone to see me i and feel sorry for me or think I was damaged. This happened two years ago. I have been a wreck since it happened. I moved away quit my job. I I felt. Token I haven’t been able to let any other man touch me since it happened I cringe when even a close friend wants to give me affection. I pushed it down so far trying to forget it happened. Trying to move on. I started going to therapy this year and it finally came out. I took me months to feel comfortable with my therapists and weeks of talking about what happened to be able to say I was raped. I didn’t realize rape could happen with someone you know. Someone you trusted to not hurt you. I didn’t see the effects it had on me until I stop pushing it away and faced it. I feel a little broken right now so many emotions are coming up that I had pushed down and chose not to acknowledge. I hope someday it feels better. I didn’t want what happened to be part of my story. I was molested and abused as I child, I had survived a brush with death in my teens, I had survived I 3 year physically abusive relationship in my early 20s, I had overcome addiction, watched friends and family members pass. I didn’t want this to be another p art of my story. I decided that if I pretended like it didn’t happen I could find a way to block it out and live my life. But it is part of my story but it doesn’t have to be my story. I haven’t figured out how to deal with the pain and sadness yet but I want to fight to learn how to.

— Survivor, age 30