My Boyfriend

It happened freshman year of high school during my first relationship. It started by being pressured into doing sexual acts even though I told him I didn’t want to. He would make me feel terrible about myself until I did what he asked me to do. By this point I had been dating him for about three months and already my confidence dropped, I stopped talking to people and I stopped caring about myself. There were times when I would just close my eyes and wait for him to finish. Later he started getting rough. In the beginning there were times when it was consensual but later that all ended. He used to tie my hands to furniture or around my neck and choke me with his hands. I would go to school with marks on my neck and wrists from the night before. It got to the point where every time we saw each other in ended in sex. I dreaded him to ask to come over because I was scared to say no to him. I felt that I had to say yes because I would feel awful I didn’t. two years later I have not gotten past that year. I am reminded of him daily by stupid daily activities. Sometimes a persons tone of voice or what someone says or even a smell that reminds me of him.

I came to the realization that that I was raped this year. I didn’t know what to call it. I knew it wasn’t okay but I didn’t understand the extent of the events. Currently I am working to tell my parents about my Freshman year.

— Survivor, age 17