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My Family Indifference

was sexually abused by 2 family members.
Nobody tells you that on one innocent and primal level you might enjoy the attention and the sexual sensations that lull you into submission.
Nobody tells you that rape is often softened to the point that you are not allowed to cry out rape… but keep it silent, because no one, not even your own mother will intervene because it would stir the family.
I am more angry at my family for allowing it to happen than the anger I hold for my older half sister, who herself had emotional issues that continue to this day, or for my cousin Randy who was just a teenage boy who thought it ok to mess around with a 7 year old little girl.
The young and vivacious child that I was, and the dreams of being a dancer and master my body, was quashed and forever thwarted.
Years so many years have gone by, but I have body image issues and I am overreactive when I feel someone is telling me what to do or I feel they are taking advantage of me. And I feel I was treated unfairly, never given a chance to decide for myself how I would experience sexual relations. In fact I have had many relationships that end up nowhere for my disrespect and even disdain for someone wanting to possess me….
I was broken when I was little and there was not one person who would step in and help. And I carry fragments of that little sad girl in my gaze.

— Dani, age 54


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