I was 15 and went with my friend to a kickback there was 4 guys there but I knew 2 of them and one of the guys my friend really liked. My friend ended up getting so drunk she passed out so I was left alone. They were all encouraging me to drink, and me being the person I am, I didn’t back down and drank all that they told me to. I remember falling asleep on the couch and waking up to someone on top of me. My struggle with this is I don’t know if it’s his fault or mine. I don’t know what I said, what if I asked for sex is that rape or is it my fault? I talked to my friend about it the next day and we called one of the guys to figure out what happened and he said it was the guy my friend liked, he was 18. She took his side in it and made me feel as though I deserved it. She’s the one who kind of put it in my head it was my fault. I just want to hear opinions on whether people think it was my fault or not I think that would help me a lot
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Of course it’s not sweetie. You were pressured into doing things you probably didn’t want to do in the first place but it’s what happens when you feel peer pressured and with the incident that was made for you to think the obstacle and against yourself isn’t your fault. Everything that happened made you think it was your fault because probably you didn’t know what to think after hearing what your friend had to say about you compared to what you were thinking about yourself. You are a strong woman that has experienced something harsh and you cannot blame yourself on something you didn’t know or on something you know you didn’t do that may have damaged you. Please be strong for me out there. Though I may not know exactly what your thoughts are but I am so glad your still alive and being a strong human being.
If you were that drunk you couldn’t of consented. BUT REMEMBER IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Your friend isn’t a friend if she is blaming you and taking his side. Never think it is your fault.
It’s never anyone’s one fault of being raped!!! First of all: as a minor you cannot consent, Second: you were passed out: How can you consent. If he is 18, by state laws he is an adult and therefore he can be charged with Child Abuse should you wish to report it to the local authority.
As for your friend…. Nope…not a friend. Those are friends you do not need! What kind of person would even suggest that it was your fault…no one deserves to be sexually assaulted!!!!
Here are some resources that may help you out in dealing with what you are feeling. https://www.rainn.org There is also a hotline:800.656.HOPE (4673)
No. It isn’t your fault. If you’re even having to go contemplate about this, wonder and feel bad for it, this is not your fault. He took advantage of the fact that you were drunk and unconscious and he shouldn’t have. He did not ask for consent.
Hello,
I am a fellow rape survivor. Firstly, I would like to tell you that sharing your story is brave and courageous. You give hope to so many who are silenced by their abusers. What happened to you should not be minimized, and NOBODY has the right to make you feel ashamed of what happened, or blame you for it. So many of us hear that it “isn’t our fault” as if that is supposed to make us feel better, but truthfully, it is NOT your fault in any way. Do not feel shame as you are not disgusting or impure. You are a beautiful and unbroken soul, no amount of assault may take that away. So many people in this world will try to hurt you physically and mentally. So many people succeed in hurting others. However, they may hurt you, but they will never have the blessing of your heart or mind. These evil people are pathetic and attempt to take light from beautiful souls such as yours. We, in this community, love and accept you- always.
Love,
Olivia
Something very similar happened to me, and I struggle with asking myself the same questions. I do feel as though I could not have consented no matter what I said. If we were that wasted, it could not have been clear to anyone what we wanted, what we were saying, or even what we were doing. Try not to blame yourself. In a rape culture like the one we live in, things like this will happen. It helps me to actively call out sexism whenever I see or hear it; perhaps I can keep this situation from happening to one girl in the future with the words I use today.
If you are under the influence of alcohol, you cannot consent. If the guy was also drinking that doesn’t mean that he can rape you. If he was too drunk, then he would not have been able to take your clothes off and get on top of you. He would have been passed out instead. He took advantage of your exposure to alcohol and no one has the right to penetrate another human being. A guy would be equally upset if he was drunk and someone raped him. Did he ask for it? No. Would he want someone sticking something up his ass if he was drunk? No! It is Not Your Fault. You should be able to drink around your friends and not worry that someone is going to rape you. Please get some help and one on one therapy.
I don’t know if any of y’all will see this, but thank you to everyone who commented. At first I thought I was just calling out for attention and making what happened a bugger deal than what it really was, that girls who talk about their story to people are like that and reading what girls have gone through made me realize that isn’t true, everyone should have a voice and that’s what made me decide to share. Reading what y’all put gave me hope and I think I’ll be able to put this in my past now, y’all have given me a clear conscience and for that I am so grateful thank you so much.