I stumbled on this site via Google last night while trying to find a place i could talk without been judged. I must say this place is full of strong women and men , reading their stories all night made my heart break countless number of time. I hope to find the strength to go over mine soon because i have so much to offer the world to be held down by such occurrence.
Like i said i’m not ready to share my story but i feel sharing my fears may open the door for more truth.
One of the things that scares me most is ending up with an abusive partner. I know as a young adult (i will be 20 in some months time) i probably should be worried about my career (which i am, really that’s how i cope most days) and myself but the thought of dating someone who may later be abusive scares me and in turn makes be stay away from guys( especially the nice ones).
I’m still a virgin( i’ve not been raped…Yet. I was only molested and made to do things i can’t bring myself to talk about) but i’m scared i may never enjoy sex or intimacy because i can barely sit next to a guy without wanting to get a knife, just in case. I love kids and i hope to have mine someday.
I was a big talker before IT happened and I feel like I’m losing my voice, my self-esteem and everything that made me, Me. And it’s scary because i loved who i was, this new girl i really don’t know much about.
I’m scared I may never be normal again, I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore. But i’m really tired of the ups and downs. Feeling fly one second not wanting to leave your bed in the next, it is exhausting.
I think that’s all for now. I hope to come back here someday ready to talk, because being silent about it makes my heart hurts.
— Survivor, age 19