‘m still not sure if this was rape but everyone – including my therapist – is naming it as such. I’ve also never told this story in detail and I know that this may make some people uncomfortable… But, here goes:
We started dating when I was 13. A few days after we began dating, I turned 14. The first “happening” was 8 months after we began dating. I had never been sexual with anyone before, I was a virgin. She told me everything was going to be okay – and she took me into the (public) bathroom by the park in our town. She began touching me and I wasn’t sure what to do. I remember saying “okay,” and nodding to whatever she said. This happened multiple times. Some occurrences would even include a belt tying my wrists together or her choking me while touching me. She stopped touching me in February, a couple months before our two year anniversary.
I’m still not sure if this was rape/sexual assault because I didn’t put up a fight (meaning screaming, hitting, pushing, etc). I need help.
— Survivor, age 15
I’m sorry that that happened to you and you’re feeling scared. Do not feel like it’s your fault because you didn’t yell or freak out. Freezing is also an option rather than just fight or flight. She shouldn’t have put you in a position where you were uncomfortable. If you seemed nervous or hesitated or especially if you communicated to her that you didn’t want to, she over stepped her boundaries. Do not think it is your fault and don’t be afraid to say no. If she cares about you as much as you think she will respect your boundaries and wants. Communication is very essential in a relationship and you should never feel pressured into performing sexual acts with your partner. I would suggest seeking maybe some counseling services or support groups online? Everything will be okay.
Dear survivor,
Just because you did not fight does not mean you wanted this to happen. Like Brandi said, your girlfriend crossed boundaries with you that she was not entitled to cross without your enthusiastic consent. It might take time for you to see this and that’s okay. At the end of the day the experiences are yours and you get to define them in a way that is right for you. I am grateful you felt safe to share your story here. You are very brave. Light and love to you ~ Alissa