My Horrific Nightmare

Three years ago I was raped. I met a man who was a marine and had mutual friends. We hit it off and began dating. After two months he got out of the marine corp and moved back to his home of Reno, NV. Truthfully, I knew he had issues. I had caught him lying..etc. But I was 29 and had issues with relationships so I felt I needed to try and make one work. He wanted me to come visit him in Reno and offered to pay which was unusual (he was very stingy with money). But I went anyway. The first couple days were great. He offered me this drug called bath salt that he bought at a store. It made me super awake for two days…I didn’t have much experience with drugs but I wanted to make him happy. It was the third day that everything changed. I remember him giving me something, but that night I remember hearing other men and being held down by many men…I kept blacking in and out that whole day and nigh t. When I would come to, I was around men I didn’t know or my bf would be yelling at me telling me to “snap out of it” or “pay attention.” The next morning I woke up with him with very little memories but I had a split lip. When I confronted him, all he said was we had sex and it got rough “but in a good way.” I know it sounds crazy but I bought his story…or maybe I just forced myself to believe it because the alternative was much scarier. For the rest of the week during the daytime I could barely function and would black in and out. Then he would give me something…for some reason I couldn’t say no…I could hardly speak. Then he would drive to different places and cars would follow us back to his families house (yes, this happened at his PARENTS HOUSE…before I left for Reno he mentioned to me that his family had a business but never said what. He only said that would get to see it.) Then he would turn off the lights, lay down with me and I would black out. But in the mornings I would have horrifying memories of having men on top if me and asking questions like “can I come in her” or hearing someone in the background saying things like “yeah, that’s fine.” each morning I asked him what happened. He would tell me we had sex. If I said, I swear I thought someone else was here he would yell at me. “How could you think that!” he would yell at me. It was the last night that I forced myself to concentrate on what was happening. I took nothing he gave me. I realized the code he would use when he would take me to places and waited for someone to follow us back. That night I made sure not to fall asleep. I realized as he lay next to me that he had his phone on him and was waiting for me to pass out, which I didn’t this time. Instead, he fell asleep. So I looked around his room. In his drawers were no clothes, but there were tons of cameras. I should have left then, but instead I woke him up to confront him. He admitted to nothing and said I was crazy…but told me that if I left now, I would be safe. My cell phone was broke, he had taken all my money. I stopped at a pay phone to call my mom, as I stood there, a car with a man drove up, made a call on his phone while looking at my license plate, then looked at me and laughed and waved then drove off. This happened twice. I realized at that moment, money or not, I had to leave now. Within an hour cops were pulling me over telling me I was driving recklessly and they began searching my car. They found nothing, but they arrested me for driving under the influence. They took me to their station and I tried to tell them what happened. They completely blew off my story which surprised me. Then they said I needed to go to the hospital because of the drugs in my system..Even though I was completely lucid and was totally aware of what was going on. They put me in the cop car. Within minutes the man driving began mocking me. When I looked up, I realized the man driving was my bf. I thought I was going to die. When he dropped me off at the hospital he laughed and told the other cops “this one is really crazy.” I tried saying, that’s him…I asked for them to say his name…they didn’t tell me anything or follow up on my statement. Instead the officer wrote up my ticket (he messed up and had to redo it…this is a testament to how aware I was at the moment despite what they tried to say.) the officer then listened to my story. All he said was..”well that man seems pretty bad. If I were you, I never contact him again.” The next thing I know the police are telling me they want to video tape my hospital procedure for training use. I was given a shot and blacked out. When I woke up I had been in ICU for two days. I was in that hospital for 5 days total in ICU. At one point a doctor told me I needed to be more careful cause I tried to kill myself which was NOT true (I have a son…i would never tried that) everyone treated me very weird in the hospital. And I had asked for a rape kit but never got one. I tested negative for date rape drugs but that is because I don’t believe they tested for the right one. After research and flashbacks, I’m fairly certain he used a drug called socopomine (which I’m sure I misspelled). Its a drug which basically renders a person helpless but able to move but highly suggestible to orders. Meaning the person is capable of moving in a zombie like state but unable to think or remember. And anyone near them can tell them what to do, and that person has no ability to resist. Unlike most date rape drugs they block a memory..this drug stops the ability for the memory to even be recorded. Its been used to manipulate people to rob them or rape them and this drug has been around for a long time. And I remember him talking about it months before I went to Reno.
I had to spend 5 days in a hotel room alone after my hospital discharge before I could get a ride home. I received a dui, the loss of my car, and an enormous hospital bill I’m still trying to pay off. And him? He is now married with a step kid and a son. I remember when I confronted him the day I escaped, i threatened to go to the cops. He said, do it…nothing will ever happen. And one night when he was driving me to his house, I remember him saying every time he has to do this, he feels like an asshole. That meant I wasn’t the first one and probably wasn’t the last. I reported the incident to SVU in reno, but I was too scared to press charges due to the cop involvement. Idk if this business was mostly his family or an underground ring protected by cops. All I know is it was very well thought out and very well planned. I believe that what threw him off and what possibly saved me was that he didn’t plan on me remembering or figuring it out. For years I blamed myself. After all, I knew he had issue. I willingly tried the drugs he bought at a gas station over the counter of all places (I didn’t know that some of those store bought drugs are worse than the illegal ones.) And I ignored the fact that he constantly made comments about how he loved the fact that even though I was 29 at the time, I looked much younger. For the longest time I was in shock afterwards. Then I become girl who would date ir have one night stands, then ditch or fade away. Sometimes I wanted to die. Then the flashbacks began, and sleep was nonexistent.
Its been three years, and I have become more at peace. I go to counseling once a month. I run a small online support group for rape victims and their supporters which has gotten a lot of praise. And I am engaged to a great man and have amazing friends and family. But when I saw Brave Miss World, I wanted to share my story with you. I thought the women you interviewed were amazing. But I wanted to show that not all rape cases are spur of the moment, easy to prove or remember. Some are very well thought out and flourish because its a business. And not all victims can remember the details that could bring justice, and sometimes the bad guys make a profit off their pain. For awhile I blamed myself for not trying harder to stop them. But many people have said that considering my story, I was lucky to get away alive.
You and the woman on your documentary are an inspiration to me. You are so brave to speak out the way you did. Even though I received no justice, it makes me so happy to hear about those who have. Thank you so much for all you have done. You are simply amazing.