This is my husband’s story. He recently confided to me about how terrible of a person his great uncle is. He was molested multiple times by him whom I’ve met a few times in the past. Let’s call him Guu. It started when he was very young (6 or 7) when Guu would babysit him. As a kid, he didn’t really know what was going on. He only knew he would get candies or his favorite food in exchange for Guu touching him (sexual favors). So he never thought anything was wrong with it until he got older (10 years old). He understood what Guu was doing to him is wrong and told him to stop. Guu and his family soon moved out of town, and my husband kinda blocked it out of his head.
My husband is now 26. I don’t know why, but a few days ago, he finally told me. I was shocked, disgusted and angry. I felt sick to the stomach. Knowing who this child molester is, I really want to report it to the authorities and let everyone know how sick and disgusting he is. Unfortunately, Guu has his own family with grand children so I believe he is around with kids all the time.
I tried convincing my husband to tell Guu’s family about his pedophilia and wrong doings, but he said he can’t mainly because he doesn’t want to ruin Guu’s relationship with the family, especially his great aunt would be devastated. Ironically, to my knowledge, Guu is known as a funny and kind person among family members. My husband has a very big family too, and they’re all very close to each other. Telling anyone would break up the entire family.
I don’t know what to do, but my husband said he feels relieved after telling me all of this. However, he doesn’t want to mention it ever again nor to anyone else. I pretend I’m fine but I’m not. I can’t sleep at night. I think about what happened all the time. I don’t know what to do or who to tell this to. What Guu did was wrong, and I don’t think he should get away with it. The entire family deserves to know the truth.
What should I do?
You are absolutely right – what happened to your husband was wrong. And you don’t have to be ok with it; you don’t even have to be ok. BUT one of the hardest things about sexual assault is having your control taken from you. So my first thought it to make sure that you let him make the decision about who to tell and not tot tell.
While I would advise that it’s your husband’s story to tell (or not), I would also say that you are entitled to all of your emotions. It must be really hard to have heard that story and everything you’re feeling is valid. I would strongly encourage you to seek out some therapy to help you deal with everything you’re feeling. It can also help you be the best support you can be to your husband.
Love, Alexis
I agree with everything that Alexis wrote. I’d strongly suggest encouraging your husband to seek counseling, too. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself, I have been in and out of counseling my whole life. It helps. And the affects of the abuse rear their heads at random, inopportune times. It’s an ongoing journey/battle.
I’m passionate about protecting others from abuse if the abuser is still alive and has never been convicted. He’s likely doing it to other children. Like Guu, my abuser was beloved among family, friends and the church. These molesters can be real masterminds. Guu sounds no different. I’m not a professional in this area so can only advise you to seek help for yourself and your husband. You can’t take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself. Best of luck to you.