I have ADHD and dyslexia.. Too bad of a combination.. As what those people who did it to me would say who would believe me when I’m not normal
I was really hard to raise because well I’m not normal that’s why mom keeps hitting me..I could not forget it was the eve of my 7th birthday when all of my misfortunes began..it was 7 or 8 in the evening I thought mom would fetch me from my grandfather’s house and I could go with her but instead she was just there to hit me. She hit me really hard that I could not stand then she left and this was the precious opportunity my grandfather waited. He was drunk and he started assaulting me and since I could not move because of what mom did I had nothing left to do than just endure it. He penetrated his to my mouth and my a** and he put the bottle he was holding inside mine. He told me it was the best way to celebrate one’s birthday because it will make a person happy but to me all it was was just pain and I was never happy
The abuse continued and he would even ask me to skip school just to do that.
Then on the eve of my 8th birthday he invited his friends 5 of them over to his house and so the 6 old men raped me taking turns then altogether until it was really late and I am already 8. After that rape my body felt addicted to it and my mind knows it’s wrong but I couldn’t contain it and sometimes I ask my grandfather to do it the more it hurts the more delightful
Now I’m 26. I already have a daughter. Her father is really loving and understanding. He really takes care of us. But there is this part of me that still I couldn’t understand. My grandfather and his friends are already dead but I’m still stuck in this memory. I still have nightmares about all the abuse especially when I have fever the nightmares turn worst. At times I’m scared to be with people and sometimes I would watch videos of tortured women just to alleviate the hurt I’m feeling which is bad. I wish it never really happened to me but as what they say everything happens for a reason and I hope someday I could finally understand the reason for everything that has happened to me.
— Survivor, age 26
Dear survivor age 26, I am so sorry for what you had to endure in ur child hood. Having ADHD is no fault of yours and it should not define who you become… I am dyslexic but this never held me down I have two honors degrees, I only found out I was dyslexic at end of my second degree. Labels are there to stop you from what you can accomplish in life. It is not your fault to have monster mother and grand father. I am glad you have a spouse that loves you and takes care of you. YOU need to get counseling so that you can put your past behind you so that you can be the best mother your child can have. So that you can be there for your child emotionally and so that you can find happiness and closure. Well done for everything that you have accomplished in your life thus far remember Sky is the limit.
Dear survivor,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Everything you said makes perfect sense. Sexual abuse in childhood can be very confusing and many young victims seek out their abuser in the way you described. It is a common response. It is not your fault. Coming to terms with and understanding sexual abuse can be very difficult. Sometimes the psychological scars take a very long time to heal. It makes a lot of sense that you still experience nightmares. I am glad you felt safe to share your story here and I hope you continue to find outlets to help you work through the nightmares and confusion. Light and love to you, Alissa ~ Brave Miss World Team Member