When I was eight my older brother began touching me inappropriately. At first I thought it was ok, normal, so I thought I wanted him to. Sometimes I would ask him to but I was 8 so I didn’t know what it’s was we where doing. He should have said no, but he didn’t. As I got older, he kept doing it. Around 5th grade I realized what he was doing was wrong. I’d been through health class and they explained rape. I don’t remember specific details, like I don’t know if he threatened me or anything but everyday I get flash backs that make me cringe and tense up. I squeeze my legs together. I know I have depression. I’m pretty sure I have PTSD. I know I have anxiety and I know I have an addiction to sexual things. He used to make me sit on his lap with my pants and underwear off and his pants down while he watched porn. I am now a porn addict. I’m 16 and he stopped when I was 12. I’m suicidal, though I’ve never tried. I cut. I wish he’d never done what he did, but I can’t change the past. I hate the fact that I can’t remember because if I told someone they’d want specifics but I won’t have them. I’m also glad I don’t remember because the fact that it happened is bad enough.