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My Rapists I Grew Up With

I grew up just knowing what sex was for as long as I could remember. When I was around four years old a girl convinced me into touching her until my mom told me to stay away. My dad left my mom for a woman he got pregnant while my mom was pregnant. Over the years I grew up I got into situations which I was sexually touched, for instance 3 boys in third grade, 1 in 4th, a girl and boy in 5th, by sixth grade I was 10 and was developing breasts and then started realizing what was happening was a bad thing and didn’t want to do anything, but a boy in my class convinced me. The thing that puzzled me was that after each encounter I had I was threatened into silence, so at this point it was burned into my brain to shut up about it and keep it a secret. I never told my family about any of it but my family mysteriously found my underwear at a 12 year old boy’s house when I was 8. I don’t even know how or when anything happened and had no memory or explanation of how it was found in his room.

Now age 10, I moved with my grandparents on Queen Ann hill in Seattle because my mom had a hard time supporting me being a single mom and needed time to get her life straight. I grew up around Seattle and knew it quite well. It was early May and school got out. I was obsessed with Anime style of art and drawing was a passion of mine and I lived half a block away from a little park that had just a couple of swings and one of those little playground things you slide and slide down on a pole. It was very beautiful with flowers everywhere on the trees and there was a bench under a covered aria with purple flowers dangling everywhere. Over the past 2 weeks of sitting around I noticed 7 boys, 4 of them around my age, 1 elementary school boy, and two high school boys. I did notice right off the bat that they were the most hottest people I have ever seen in my life, but thought nothing of us ever meeting.

I am a very shy and naïve 10 year old and stayed away from them and just drew until one day a really tall and handsome man who was their father, looked to be late 20’s early 30’s came up to me and spoke. It was a casual talk of weather, school, he looked at some of my drawings and impressed. He asked me my name and age, thinking nothing of it I replied truthfully. He said that the name Angel was a very beautiful name perfect for me. The man told me his name. Let’s just call him Leroy. Leroy told me about his sons wanting to talk to me but were wimps.

Another boy who looked almost identical to Leroy but around my age came running and told us his brother was in a fight. Leroy left in a hurry leaving me with the boy. (I don’t feel comfortable telling their real names so I’ll use fake). The boy said he is Andrew. Andrew got close to me and started commenting on how pretty I was. I backed away a little and he convinced me to meet his brothers, I agreed and went over. They are half brothers with same dad but 5 different moms. Two were identical twins age 11 Talon and John, Andrew aged 12 was full blood brothers with the little 7 year old Dakoda, then there was a full blown albino one, white hair red eyes (I thought it was amazing) his name is Ren and he was 12, Ruki a 14 year old, and Brenden a 18 year old. They got along with me very well and we played together. I did notice that they had bruises on them a lot and they got very nervous and skittish talking about their father and mothers.

The next day I realized that I left my sketch book at the park and left the house early in the morning hopefully to find it there. It was not and I looked around. John, and Talon told me they were watching me for a good five minutes and then told me its at their house and Dakoda picked it up wanting to return it. I was nervous about going to the house. They persuaded me to go with them and eventually tugged on my wrist to go with them. After a few minutes I finally agreed with them and followed them going through the park and went to their house.

I knew it was a bad idea soon after coming. I walked in right as one of their mothers were screaming and hit Andrew. She played it off saying he slipped and she wanted to help him up. I wanted to quickly get my sketch book and get out. It had valuable information that’s personal about my family in there. I was convinced to stay longer than I intended and found out that their dad was extremely abusive and would frequently beat and rape the boy’s mothers in front of them, their dad was extremely sexist as well saying something like “Women are made for our pleasure” or “Women are the submissive type who should always submit to men and know their place”.

I didn’t like it one bit. As soon as their dad noticed I knew about what he did he would not allow me to leave the house and I regretefully agreed to a deal with him to be watched by his sons and him, and to be at their house at all times until night and if I told anyone of it, they would kill my family in front of me and then kill me. Scared for my family I agreed to this.

By the time I was 11almost 12 all of the brothers accept Dakoda would start to touch me in some sort of sexual manor. I really didn’t know what to do and was scared. I would be forced to suck them off, or touch them, but for some odd reason they said they want to keep my virginity until I was a real women (Like when my period starts because I didn’t have any yet). When I was 12 it was increasing to the point of where I was too scared of any kind of guy and was very secluded. I would blame myself for getting in a situation like this.

One day, we went to the mountains where their dad owns a mansion in the secluded woods. He gained my grandparents permission and had his wives meet my family so they would like them, my family knew nothing of what was happening to me. So for 3 days just me, the now 6 boys (Talon away from not being able to handle the abuse), Leroy, and his only wife remaining alive were there. His wife would sexually abuse Andrew who was the main pervert of the family and instigate all sexual things. He was a sexually abused turned abuser by his mother. She mysteriously disappeared while out with 3 of the boys while we were there. The two oldest actually decided that they wanted to penetrate me and I noped the hell out of there barely escaping them and ran away and insisted to move to my mother’s house immediately. My grandparents announced they bought a new house in Lynnwood and were going to move there in a couple days.

I knew they were house shopping for a few months now and I was so relieved. I convinced them to let me stay with my mom who was already at the new house and I left.

Fast forward about a few years later and I’m 17 and its early November of 2014. I get found and caught by the 6 same guys and it was the most terrible experience of my life. I was beaten badly and they didn’t know what to do with me at first. They believed I was responsible for their fathers death and wanted me to pay. Dakoda wanted me to die, Ren, Ruki and Brenden wanted me alive, while John and Andrew said they should keep me for a sex slave or something or that sort.

I really didn’t know what to do. I was too scared to protest or talk back because I’d get smacked for it. They all agreed with John and Andrew’s option. They didn’t do anything at first but just talk with me about time passing. I realized they became worse than their father and raped many women over my absence using drugs or whatever. I wanted to get away but it was impossible. I noticed that Andrew and Dakoda were both in the same High school as me since the beginning of my senior year but every time I got close enough they were not there and I would not be completely sure. I know that Dakoda is a freshman and Andrew is a senior as well. John is a Senior too but goes to the high school close to mine. Ren is a freshman in collage and Ruki is having his 4th year in university. Brenden started working for a very high pay company and graduated university a year before. They all had such great lives which I thought they didn’t deserve.

The next day of them having me I was raped repeatedly by each of them. Not all at once though. One would come and about a hour or 2 later another came. It felt so unreal to me. I was in complete denial of what was going on. I felt all numb. They would constantly say the sound of me in pain and try to squirm against them just made it all the better with my crying. I hated them at that point. I would not think of how they could do this to me when we knew each other for years. When I was 10 until mid age of 11 they were very protective and nice to me and we were all really close to each ther and it really hurt me.

I started thinking very depressingly, blaming myself, hating myself, wanting to die all the time. I felt like I was dead inside and just a hollow shell of my former self. Eventually Ruki had some sense of regret and had a meeting with all of us and told me that they will have to take turns owning me like a dog for a certain period of time to see if we could ever bond again.

It took about a year to deal with all of them but in the end all of them actually completely refused to do anything that would harm me and 2 of them grew feelings for me. I was still nervous around them but they would only protect me and care for me. I eventually calmed down. I did fail my senior year though. So did Andrew and John (Like to be honest they REALLY suck at half of their subjects so that’s why) and they wanted to be around me at school to which this year I started my senior year again and turned 18 int he end of august. It’s been perfectly fine until I met a guy We’ll call him J. I met him the second week of school starting and he and me had an instant connection.

I did notice he got obsessed over me fast which I didn’t pay much attention and he was always with me none stop. We started dating and this got the other 6 really agitated. Around the first few days of 2016 we found out that J was actually a missing full blood brother of Ren’s who was kidnapped by a woman in 2004. I remembered Ren talking about him having a full blooded brothers as a child and he was kidnapped. Then one day J was at our door step with police and they told us that DNA shows that he is related to the brothers and he lives with his adopted family but now comes 3 to 4 times a week with us.

J found out what his other brothers did to me and deeply hated them but after a while they talked to him and I noticed that J was becoming like they were when they first found me again. I truly love J, but he is not becoming aggressive to me and demands sex sometimes and if I try to refuse or push him away he would just force himself into me and do it. He now wants to share me amongst the Ren and Brenden who have feelings of me but they are unsure, I don’t even know what I want anymore and don’t even bother saying no because it’s like talking to a deaf person. When J isn’t in this kind of mood to be sexual he is the sweetest person ever and I can see he really does care and he does everything in his power to make me happy but he says that he just cant stop when he has the urges and he hates it and is sorry and even cries about it and refuses to eat for a few days at a time isolating himself afraid of hurting me.

I don’t know what to do. Since everything happened I had a feeling of needing to stay and not wanting to elave. I’m treated like a normal person again and the other 6 are caring now. I don’t know if I should get help or not though. I have a journal that we came up with to write our feelings down and what we did in past and why they would do bad things and since then it got way better and the entire house is more cheerful. But I do want to help J. He’ll be over either later today or tomorrow and I’m gonna ask him. Reading about other women has started to make me think. I noticed I’m not the only person who felt the feeling of loneliness because of rape. But I really don’t know what to do at this point because I myself became attached to each of them in some kind of way emotionally. I really don’t want them in trouble despite knowing all things they done to others and what they done to me. What do I do?


— Angel, age 18


  • Genna
  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Elizabeth


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