I was just 15, shy, skinny and a late developer.
He abused me systematically, first with teasing, then physical attacks, short and disguised as tom foolery. wresting me to the ground and pulling my pants down, trying to break into bathroom when i was i there, touching my breasts when he passed me by.
then finally trying to rape me as I lay asleep, It was over quickly but he managed to penetrate me.
he tried another time, this time I was able to fight him off. but to make sure I kept quiet and told no one he murdered my beloved pets.
I was afraid of him and left home.
It has taken me several decades to come forward about this, because I thought it was just me he harmed, and I thought if I buried it I could forget it
But it turns out there are more victims.
I have reported him to the police and am waiting to hear if it will go to trial.
Certainly not revenge but there is an element of shame that I did not come forward sooner as he has harmed before and may harm someone else in the future.
Some little girl somewhere needs protecting, I am here for her; just as someone should have been there for me.
I feel I was let down by everyone around me, dysfunctional alcoholic parents, and oblivious teachers.
Did no one notice that I cut all my hair off and made myself as ugly as possible?
I felt totally alone.
My adult life peppered with destructive relationships, my inability to really trust anyone has led to failed relationships and a dismal dysfunctional marriage.
My new partner cannot deal with my revelations, stonewalling me and withdrawing from engaging with me; unable to talk about or listen to me talk about my past abuse.
Nor does he want to hear about my search for help or counseling.
One again I am totally on my own.