My Story

I was 16 and around September I began talking to a friend of mine. He was very attractive he played basketball, was tall, but also really cocky. I wasn’t looking for anything other than hanging out just because he was younger than me however we kissed and what not. This one particular night around 11 we were outside of my house kissing and talking. His cousin was on his way to get him he asked if I could come with them and smoke and if he could stay. I said sure but made it very clear I wasn’t having sex with him. So around midnight he called and said something came up so we couldn’t smoke but could he still come over because his cousin dropped him off. So I said sure. I know it was stupid to let him come over so I can admit it is partly my fault. But anyways we were laying in my bed just talking, I reminded him I wasn’t having sex. Then one thing led to another and we started kissing I wasn’t really feeling it like that so I really didn’t want to kiss him. So I pulled away and he got on top of me. He took my shorts off and underwear and that’s when I told him “no!” I told him that I didn’t want to do it so he asked me why. I said I just don’t want to he just kept saying that’s not a reason or that’s not a good reason. So I said you don’t even have a condom he says “what I don’t got anything is there something you want to tell me” then he laughs. But I was serious the whole time. I closed my legs together as tight as I could but he was too strong he pulled my legs apart. He told me to chill out. I said I don’t want to do this and again he asked me why again. I said because I don’t and he just goes “that isn’t a reason give me a good reason and we won’t.” But that was a good reason to me. I didn’t want to do it so he should have respected that. He pulled his shorts off. I tried pushing him off me, but he grabbed both my arms with one hand and forced himself inside me with the other. He let me go and I tried pushing him off. I tried closing my legs I tried but he wouldn’t get off me. I asked him to stop I told him to get off me but he wouldn’t. It hurt but I didn’t cry. I was shocked because I never thought this kind of thing would ever happen to me. When he was done I turned over. I was afraid because he wasn’t leaving. He stayed the night and it happened two more times that night. Each time I just gave up more and more because I didn’t care. I acted like it didn’t happen. I asked him if he had gotten home the next day okay, but when he texted me and said when can I stay again. I just got angry. I told him what he did. He apologized and said he thought I was just talking. He thought I was enjoying it. I was shocked. I didn’t respond. Every time I see him he ask when he can come over. I hate him not because of what happened but because I know he told people he had sex with me. Leaving out the part where I didn’t give consent. I can’t tell anyone because it will look like it was consent however I really needed to vent to someone who understands. I still feel like part of it is my fault if I would of did more said more not have been so fast and ready to be grown it wouldn’t have happened. But the past is the past and you just have to live with it. Now I try my hardest to not let it bother me. Really I’ve just grown to live with what happened and just except it.

— Lauryn, age 17