I met him while attending lessons at a school. He lived directly opposite. I was 15 and he was 22. The first time I saw him, I couldn’t stop staring! He was gorgeous. We spoke briefly for 1 year and a half. One day he invited me over to watch a ‘movie’. I was now 16. I went, not thinking about anything else but a movie. I was lying on his bed watching the television while he kept staring at my face. I felt really uncomfortable so I asked him to stop. He said my face was way better to look at rather than the movie. The next thing I knew, he was on top of me kissing me deeply. I kept trying to push him off. I was so scared. When I finally did get him to come off, he kept apologizing. I felt bad so I told him it was okay. I told him I had to go and he asked for a kiss which I did agree to. After that day, he kept inviting me over and each time he asked for sex. I tried to change the topic when it came up. One day he asked and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He said he would be quick. I kept saying no but it was of no use. I just lay there. It really was quick but it hurt me in ways I never knew was possible. The pain was excruciating. He left the room to put his clothing back on when the blood started to flow down my legs. I was soo scared. When he saw he started to curse and was very angry. I left with blood stains on my clothes. It’s been 6 months and I get flash backs all the time. I’m now suffering with depression and counseling isn’t helping one bit. I’m also very suicidal and I’m afraid that one day I won’t be able to fight the thoughts off….
— Survivor, age 17
you are beautiful! that guy is such an asshole! you didn’t deserve that! but your young! you have your whole life to remember this was the worst time but everything is going to get better, your going to be successful & beautiful, & you’ll be stronger. this moment will make you stronger mentally & physically. i wish you the best & i know how it feels to be depressed , it sucks! God created you for a wonderful purpose & i hope you succeed that purpose.
Dear survivor,
You are very brave for sharing your story. The flashbacks you are having can be very scary because they are so real. The depression is valid and normal and real. All of this is very new and sometimes you just take things minute by minute or hour by hour. I want you to know that I am really proud of you for sharing your feelings here. They are important to voice. YOU are important. I also want you to know that there is help available for you, even in times when you feel like counseling isn’t helping. If you are in crisis, please know that you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you are in the United States. You are very much in my thoughts as you work through this. There is an entire community here that is on your side. We stand with you. You matter. Light, love, and hope…. Alissa
You are a very brave girl. And I understand that you have such thoughts but dont worry, if you feel liie you cant take it, talk to someone u r most comfortable with. I know its hard darling but u r very strong, just remember that.