My Story

I was doing well in school, and I was in ColorGuard and was a honor roll student than I met him. We started out as friends, we played video games together. Then we became good friends. I developed a likeness for him because he was the first male to ever really want to talk to me in some time. I had told them this. Somehow I don’t remember, but he got my sisters number and he asked he if she had shaved and I just got so pissed, I should’ve known to stop talking to him than. That didn’t go as planned because he would keep on texting me saying stuff like he would hurt himself. Nights later, we decided to play some video games and than he asked me to send him a nude so that he knows that I trust him. I asked him if there was another way he said no (we were in a Skype call) and I just plain out hung up. Then he started texting me nonstop asking for me to call him back and kept on asking for the nude. And I was bawling he finally convinced me to call him back and he’s sitting there crying and I was so confused to why. He said he would hurt himself over and over if I didn’t do this. This call went on for two hours and he had cut himself a couple times (side note: I had dealt with depression before recovered from it and wanted to help other people out) and I just gave up I just wanted him to stop asking. Than after this night, he started harassing me while I was in a call with my friends saying I want to eat your jelly. Then school came along a week into it he asked me out and I felt that I belonged to him because he harassed me for that picture. He kept bugging me to ask my mom to stay after school I asked she said yes I was hoping she would say no. And he would roam his fingers around and I just had to give in because he said he would harm himself. I came home and felt so ashamed and he would call me right when I got into the car he would text me during class. My grades started to drop. I was so depressed by everything. I felt like I had no one to go to. He made me drop ColorGuard. He didn’t let me wear shirts that showed my back my boob crack or my belly. He wanted me constantly every single time of the day. He just kept asking for nudes asking me to flash him. I tried so hard to refuse but than he would threaten with hurting himself. Finally I was just done with him making my life miserable, so I broke up with him. I was so surprised that I did so. Even when I did that he tried everything to get me back he guilt tripped me and made people jump him so I would just get back with him. My mom didn’t know any of this happened. A week after the break up I came home from school hours early and I just broke down into tears my mom asked what was wrong and I told her. She went and told almost everybody about it. I was so ashamed that she had done that all my family knew about it even though I told her not to tell anyone but my stepfather. She went to the dean and I got a restraining order against him. While this was happening though she told me I could’ve said no and that hurt me so much. Apparently she didn’t feel the same way as I did many years before I was so depressed wanting to end my life. My parents had split at the age of six. I was confused about love and what it was. She blamed it on me silently even though she says she was on my side. The restraining order that I got was said to make sure he was never in the same room with me, but that didn’t happen. He came into my classroom during my TA period that he knew about which classroom it was in he even signed the order. Still came to my classroom. Summer school he was in PE and so was I. I always feel scared around him. I can still feel his touch lingering and he haunts me every single day. I’m scared to go out and find another guy because of this boy. Because what if that boy was just like the last and this isn’t the first time I have been sexually harassed/assaulted but this was the longest it’s ever happened over time. It was three months of hell. Yes I know my story isn’t a very harsh one like many other stories are, but I’m not allowed to talk about it to anyone and all the feelings are built up. I needed a place to see that I’m not alone because in those three months I felt so alone I never got to talk to any of my friends only him I couldn’t even talk to my guy best friend. He turned me against one of my good friends to by telling me lies. He downgraded me a lot too saying he was better than me. He made me feel worthless. After my mom blamed me. I blamed myself, which is probably true that I am a small piece of blame but I have no clue. He told me a few days after our break up that he was disappointed in me and that he felt sorry for me. I will never forget those words they burn through my soul everyday. It makes me feel like I’m a disappointment. There’s even nightmares that haunt me which I wake up crying from. I know this was so scattered I’m not the best writer, but this is my story and I’m still taking steps to becoming not a victim but a survivor.