My story began late June…
I was sitting in my room by myself reading a book as usual since I didn’t have any friends left in the town i lived in. At age 17 most high-school girls are surrounded by friends but I kept my distance on people and who I could trust. That day I was invited out to hang with my brother and one of his friends, and yes I knew him and I heard stories about him too. Yea I knew he was a bad person but I really believed he had changed. That night I stayed late at his friends house and there were other guys there too everyone was doing drugs so he took me into another room and put the TV on. After a few minutes he started to touch me and I just sat there because I had never felt another boys touch in my entire life. I had never kissed a boy or anything and never dated. He started to touch my stomach and do things to me. Because I was new to this and I didn’t know what to do I just let it happened I was scared and didn’t know what to do but I just let him do what he did to me. After that happened I went home crying and didn’t tell anyone what happened. Everyday he came back for me and whenever he felt like it we would do it for two whole months he used my body and I knew what he was doing to me but I didn’t say anything and I didn’t want to leave him even though I saw him kiss another girl. I didn’t want to feel like I was a whore so I stayed. After awhile he got tired of me and blamed me for things being bad and he eventually left. Everyone who I thought were my new friends new what he was doing and none of them bothered to help me. After awhile I told my mother everything and she told me there’s nothing we could do about it so I resorted to cutting my arm. Even today that man still comes to my house to hang out with my brother just last month I tried to be brave and tell him to leave more than 5 times and he would so he then physically hurt me to get in for my brother. Still even after everything he comes over and I have to deal with it. After letting him inside me and taking away the thing that made me who I am I feel like i’m disgusting.
— Survivor, age 17
Dear survivor – first of all you are not disgusting. I know it feels like you let him do things to you but the reality is that you didn’t consent. And without your consent – REAL consent – it was not ok for him to touch you or do anything else. Also, I want to explictly say that I don’t think you’re a whore and you’re certainly not behaving like one. I would encourage you to see if you can find a counselor in your area to talk to; the things you’re feeling are normal but you can get through them and move forward. I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of love and light!! Alexis