When I turned 16, I started dating a guy – we’ll call him Tommy – and our relationship was kind of rushed. Tommy jumped into getting intimate and said “I love you” after a month of dating, which kind of weirded me out but I was in a really bad mental place at the time to see that the relationship was toxic and that he was just using me (he later admitted to my friend, “Sam”, that he used me for sex). He had a class that was kind of like study hall and I would sign into that classroom (because students with a free period had an option to work in that classroom) on multiple occasions and help him with his work. During most of these times, throughout the whole first semester of my junior year, he would put his hand down my hands and use me however he wanted to that day. I would grab his arm and try to get him to stop, but, he was a lot stronger than I since I’m very small and petite while he was about a foot taller than me and he worked out a lot.
On his 17th birthday, he invited me to go to the theater to see the squeal to his favorite movie that I’ve never seen. My mother allowed it for this one night cause it was his birthday (we weren’t allowed to see each other outside of school because my mother had found out about me being intimate with him). I had told him before he picked me up that I had been getting back on my antidepressants and, for the first week of getting back on them, they made me depressed and suicidal – therefore I didn’t wanna do anything sexual with him. He said he understood, but, at the theater, after the movie had been playing for a bit, he started groping me and kissing my neck and ear (which I consider a sexual thing – he was aware of this) and trying to make out. I said no and he got upset with he, slouching in his chair and crossing his arms, he wouldn’t even look at me (this was common when I didn’t give him what he wanted). I apologized and he stopped ignoring me after a while. Soon after he continued kissing my neck and ear and I eventually gave up, dissociating and just wanting the whole thing to be over. That night I went home and cried to Sam about it because I was so confused as to what happened or what to consider it as. Tommy texted me that night asking if I knew he’d never hurt me and that he was sorry, he just doesn’t have self control.
After that night, I told Tommy we should take a break and just be friends; I was confused about how I thought I still fancied him even though he violated my body and trust. He got mad and tried to have sex with my best friend to upset me, apologizing after I confronted him. He would still kiss my neck and ear or grope me and I would tell him no or shrug/push him off of me, but he kept going thinking I’d get back together with him if he convinced me to have sex with him. We broke up officially a while later and I started dating Sam not too long after. Sam confronted him about Tommy’s actions – Tommy said he’d stop but never did.
I ended up breaking down to my school counselor recently about it, three months after the movie theater incident and, now, there’s an investigation going on and, since I was diagnosed with ptsd, I’m going through a lot of trauma therapy. He comes near me to terrorize me, although he’s been warned twice about it, and his friends tell people I’m a liar or, if it’s true, “I wanted it”/”I was his girlfriend so I should have done things for him anyway”. He has a girlfriend now and I worry about her because, no matter how much she says I asked for it or that I’m a lying attention whore, I’m worried he’ll do something to her. He got a lawyer but refuses to meet with the police and I know I have a lot of screenshots and witnesses going against him, I’m still scared about what could happen and I’m scared for my safety and scared of trusting anyone. I blame myself as well and feel guilty about it, but, I know deep down it isn’t my fault.