When I was 6 years old my male cousin decided to steal my innocence and my livelihood.
As a kid since I can remember myself I was fizzed and got beaten up in school. My life was hell and then when the sexual abuse started something died in me. I just became a ghost, I was there but i was not. I can’t remember even going to school. I wasn’t really alive. As I grow older when i was 8, 9 10 the abuse became worst. my heart and soul were raped as my monster took advantage of me. I was just a lil girl, a very lonely one. i wanted friends , i wanted to dance sing and fly. He ripped off my wings and he shut off my voice. My other cousins took advantage of me as well a few times. They took turns on a 9 years old. I felt dead but alive , with vision but a silent voice. I knew what they were doing were bad it felt horrible. I DIDN’T WANT ANY OF IT . sometimes i would say” NO! I DON’T WANT TO ” but that monster. He never listened. I was his fridge that opened and closed when ever he wanted . he ate me like a beast. I hurt me killed parts of me. I was silent for years but I choose not to be a victim anymore. the abuse went on about 8 years. As a result of it I developed eating disorders and i almost died of it when iI was 16. Now i am fighting to be healthy to be free. I want to heal so much. I feel so broken like my whole world was shuttered. I didn’t get much support when I spoke up about it. when it happens in the family. there is nothing u can do, at least thats how i felt. I didn’t want to make a bigger mess. Though I do not want to take the blame; that is not mine. I was just a lil girl because of him i don’t know what intimacy is, everything is like rape for me. I can’t watch any bit of sexuality, or anything close to it. On TV, in a play, a script, in my acting class. My theater dance class, a book we read in college. I wish to heal one day, have a normal life fall in love and get married, BE NORMAL. I want my peace back. I want my heart to stop bleeding. Right now when it hurts so much I just want to cry and a hug. I wish g-d heals me soon, heal all of us. LOVE, PEACE, FREEDOM, AND JOY TO ALL. I WISH violence STOPS!
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