I am 32 and 4 years ago I came face to face with the person who raped me when I was 13.
At the time of being raped, I had been out with my best friend and had gone back to another school friends sisters house. I knew the person who raped me from school. At the time, I knew something bad had happened but because of my age, and what little awareness there was at that time about rape, I didn’t know exactly what had happened to me. I just remember wakening up to him on top of me and there being a lot of blood. He said the blood had come from a cut on his knee. He put me in a taxi home and when I got home and tried to tell my mother what had happened and to explain why my clothes were covered in blood, she sent me to bed and it was never discussed. I had to continue going to school with this boy for a few more years before I left at 16. I first spoke about the rape to my first boyfriend at the age of 16. I learned to accept what had happened and get on with my life reasonably normally. Then, 4 years ago when I was in a club with my friends and saw him, everything from that night came back to me and it is this night 4 years ago that has affected me the most. Luckily my boyfriend was picking me up that night from the club. I had only been dating him for 2 weeks at this stage. When I got in his car I asked him to park and I told him the whole story, so that he could understand why I was so upset. When we arrived at my apartment, the rapist was at my door. I will never forget that night. Because of my boyfriends presence, I found an inner strength to get him away from my apartment by confronting him and telling him to leave. After him shouting abuse at me and an argument in the street, he eventually left. At the time I would wonder what would have happened to me if I had gone home alone that night, but thankfully I never. To this day I do not know how he knew where I lived. My guess is that we had mutual friends on Facebook and he had seen pictures I had taken within my apartment. I will never know for sure. That particular night has changed me forever. I am a very strong minded person but I have lost something that I will never get back. I had built my personality and confidence from when I was raped at 13 and it was taken from me when I saw him again. All I can do is try to accept what has happened and learn to live with it. The one person who has saved me from going drastically downhill is my fiancé, the same man who supported me 4 years ago. He is my rock and my strength. In the 4 years since seeing him again, I have had a very emotional journey. I changed my appearance almost straight after and moved out of town, in fear that I would see him again. I tried to blend in with everyone else and very much keep myself to myself. I used to be very outgoing and happy go lucky, but I came down with a thud from who I once was 4 years ago. I am starting to build myself up again slowly, but I just know it had changed me for good.
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