I am 27 years old and was raped by a man on my summer, co-ed, seemingly innocent, beer-league kickball team this summer.
I had just come home from my family vacation earlier that evening- I was relaxed, tanned, fresh hair cut, feeling great. I knew I was headed out to celebrate with my friends and so I took an Uber (like a cab) so that I wouldn’t have to drink and drive.
I had a blast with my friends all night. I caught up with old friends, flirted with new guys. I drank a lot of beer, I took a shot of my favorite whiskey at the end of the night and was feeling pretty happy-drunk. It was nothing unusual though. I knew I had plenty to drink, but I also knew I could take Uber home and be safe and sound in my own bed.
Well, that wasn’t the case. At “last call” at the bar, I took out my phone and had my finger on “request an Uber” when a guy from my kickball team came over. I had not spoken to him the entire night. I had found him extremely annoying and cocky from the first time I met him (at our first kickball game). He asked what I was doing and I said I’m just calling an Uber. He said, “no no Im leaving now, let me take you home.” He was a friend of a friend (a friend who I trust) and I figured, well hey he is sober and it will save me $15 to Uber. So I get in his SUV with him. I start directing him to my apartment, but there was all sorts of construction detours and we kept having to stop and make more detours. All of the sudden, it went down hill: he started groping me. Then grabbing himself. Then groping me again. Then unzipping his pants. Then pulling down his boxers, then grabbing my head and putting my mouth in his disgusting dick. Then he got frustrated with the detours and said “Ok I’m not taking you home we are going to stop at my house first.” I said “no no, I can direct you to my house there are just a lot of detours and I am a little drunk.” But he kept saying “we are going to stop at my house first.” Well he drove there, he took me inside, took off my clothes in the foyer, carried me up to his room. At this point, I was confused as to what was going on and trying to convince myself that I wanted to do this. I asked if he had roommates he said he did not. Then we were in his bed and he was on top of me. I said “you need to get a condom” and he said “I don’t have any” and pushes himself back in to me. I said “no really you need to get a condom” and he said “I’ll pull out.” Then he put me on top of him and literally lifted me up and down on his dick. Like I gave no effort, I was pretty much limp and he was sort of bench pressing me. I don’t remember where he came, but it wasn’t in me. Then we slept and he did the same damn thing in the morning. Then I had to collect my clothes. He gave me a hard time about not remembering my shirt was downstairs and then he drove me home.
It was Father’s Da,y so he was trying to be all nice and tell me what he got his dad. He said that I probably shouldn’t tell anyone on our team about this because, “one girl on my soccer team hooked up with another guy and told everyone and it didn’t turn out well for her.” (Im sure he was “that other guy”) For 3 months I LISTENED TO HIM! I didn’t tell a soul. I had to see him every single week at our games, I had to listen him whisper things in my ear when we were out after “You know I really meant to take you home that night.” “You know you’d do it again.” “You are just so sweet and nice.” and 2am texts “Hey.” “Hola” that I have never responded to. Only thing I did was give him a hard time about not having a condom.
Five days later I had to see him at our kickball game. We all went out after and it was my first day of summer vacation so I celebrated. Another guy, his buddy, offered me a ride home because he saw I had been drinking. I was so scared of what his friend did just a few days before that I declined the ride. Not thinking clearly, I got in my car to drive home and crashed and totaled my car. I realize drinking so much was my fault, but I am still somewhat blaming him for me crashing my car.
I didn’t begin to realize what this all was until I saw a video about the girl at Colombia who was raped by a classmate (the mattress story that is all over the news these days). I realized ‘rape’ isn’t just the scenes you see in movies and Law and Order SVU shows. It can happen with someone you know and it can happen to strong girls. That’s what has bothered me most. I am a strong girl – physically and mentally. And I couldn’t admit that this would happen to someone like me. I tried to convince myself he is cute (he isn’t), he is sweet (he isn’t) and that I wanted to (I didn’t). Then, 3 months after the fact, I finally admitted it to myself that he raped me. I told a close friend or two, I told my doctor and got tested. I haven’t figured out what (if anything) I want to tell him next time I see him.