16 years ago I had just finished college and had a 1 year old son. I met a young man through friends and we had started dating. He seemed so great. He was tall and muscular, good job and was so good to my son and so good to me… Until he wasn’t.
My story is what I’ve called my “Two days of Hell”. He came to my apartment one evening high on speed. I didn’t know he was on meth at the time, I didn’t know he used drugs at all. I was sick with the flu, so when he wanted to have sex. I said no. He became enraged. He literally tore my panties off and raped me then rolled me over and sodomized me. I cried as quietly as I could because my son was in his bedroom sleeping. I thought that when he was done he would leave, but he didn’t. I told him to leave and he punched me in the jaw. He took my car keys and put them in his pocket. I couldn’t leave the apartment because he was sitting in the living room snorting meth.
In the morning, I tried to act as normal as possible for my son. HE told me to make breakfast. My phone (house phone in the days before cell phones were common) was in the kitchen so I dialed 911 and hung up. When they called back HE wouldn’t let me answer the phone, he did. He told them that my son must have done it. The police didn’t come and he locked my son in his bedroom with a video playing and started beating me and raping me again. At this point, I was afraid for my life and my son’s.
That night (he hadn’t slept because he was high) he repeated what he did the night before. The next morning he was so crazed from the drugs and no sleep that he drug me out of my bed by my hair. He started beating me again and that time I fought back. I was kicking and screaming. He stuffed my panties in my mouth and held a pillow over my face and sodomized me again. I had passed out.
A neighbor heard the screaming and called the police. That neighbor saved my life and my son’s. I had to have my rectum stitched because of the sodomy. He broke my nose, four of my ribs, and six fingers. He was charged with rape, sodomy, kidnapping, assault and battery, and child endangerment. He took a plea deal. He plead guilty to rape and domestic battery and served 18 months in jail. 18 months… It was like being violated all over again.
I have been married to a wonderful man for five years now, and I haven’t told him. I’m ashamed to. Like he might look at me different or be disgusted with me. I know in my head that he wouldn’t, but I just can’t talk about it. I don’t talk about it. I could only watch half of Brave Miss World before I couldn’t hold it in. When he was released I was offered an Order of Protection, but if I went ahead with one, he would have my, by then, new address and workplace so I refused and moved to the next state over. He recently found me on Facebook and started messaging me. I didn’t respond and blocked him. I couldn’t date another man until nine years later when I began dating my husband who I had known since high school. I couldn’t date a man, I was terrified of men and the idea of sex with a man made me sick to my stomach. I dated women instea d because I could hold my own with another woman. Then my husband, who was a good friend, told me he had been in love with me since I was 15 when we met. I knew he would never hurt me, so I gave in and I’m glad I did. I know I’m safe now, but I’m still shaken up whenever I see a man that resembles HIM.
— Survivor, age 39