I was 17 years old and just started dating this guy, X. First guy that I had ever dated. I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong at that time, trying to live life to the fullest during my high school days. So, when he invited me to his home on our third date i didn’t really think it through. When I went there we started kissing and after some time he started touching me. I was trying to stop me but he wouldn’t. One thing lead to another and before i knew it he was fully undressed. I was telling him no, that I didn’t want to do anything at which he responded: but im ready for you, you can’t leave me like this. Unable to do anything about it, i decided to finish what he wanted me to do as i thought that was the only way out. All that time I was thinking that this would end soon and I would leave. After that I was still with him for some time without realizing what had happened to me. I read a lot of articles and blogs online which put the fault in me. If i hadn’t gone to his house than none of this would have happened. For that reason, I only blamed myself and couldn’t tell anyone about what happened. Only my best friends at the time knows about this story. It took me 2-3 years after that to come to the realization that I was raped. And still, to this day, I am confused of what happened and how it did. How it went from going out with the first guy ever and ending up where I did.
— Survivor, age 21
Dear survivor – those articles you read that blame you? They’re WRONG? It doesn’t matter if you went to his house or if you were dating him. It doesn’t even matter if you agreed to kiss him and then said no to sex. You didn’t consent and what happened is NOT your fault!!!! What happened to you is a really confusing thing to experience because it was supposed to be a date and it ended with trauma. You can work through the confusion with time and patients and support. I would encourage you to talk to a counselor who can help you work through what you’re feeling. If you feel comfortable, you could use your friends who know what happened for support as well. Remember that you are in control of who knows what; you don’t have to tell anyone anything you aren’t ready to. Sending you strength and love, Alexis