Very recently a friend and I decided that for the day we want to drink. I poured one shot, two shots, three shots, four shots, more down my throat as he did the same. We both were very intoxicated. We went upstairs, no parents were home, nor were there siblings. It was the usual dancing around and stumbling all over until both of us are on the bed. I don’t even remember my pants coming off, but he was on top of me. I accepted it at first, but came to realize it was not what I wanted. Orally and with his hands he kept going, even though I was vocal to stop.
I didn’t physically try to hurt him and prevent him from furthering in that way, which is why I consider it my mistake. But soon enough I wriggled out from under him and collected my belongings. While doing so he pleaded for me to come back and tried to rub his body (naked) on me, beckoning me back in the bed. I left the house as quick as I could and ran to a friends, sobbing.
He followed me and met me at the house, realizing the wrongs and that he has a girlfriend as well. He kept asking “did I take advantage of you?” and I continually just denied it knowing he’s depressed and suicidal, not wanting to have him hurt himself over it.
I’m conflicted on my emotions because I don’t want to hurt him. I’m trying to forgive him as a person, but the experience is constantly on my mind. Since I said he didn’t take advantage of me he doesn’t acknowledge that as a wrongdoing, and it’s mostly concerned about his girlfriend instead.
I can’t stop thinking about the entire ordeal and don’t even know it its assault and I know I could’ve done more to stop it. Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for this website.
— Survivor, age 15