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Neglected

Hi my name is Alison, I’m 23 and I’ve been raped twice.

I saw this documentary and was touched by the stories of the women who spoke up about their rape, especially Linor’s. I was hesitant to tell my story because I am afraid I will be judged and looked down upon mostly for being a prostitute when my second rape happened. But I am here for those who feel the same or have been in the same situation as me, so they can speak up and be afraid of being judged like I was.

My first rape happened when I was 15. He was in his 20s or 30s and was somewhat a stranger. My friend and I were looking for a pack of cigarettes and we thought we would try one of the gas stations near our house. He was working at the gas station and he was sort of creepy. I wasn’t afraid though, I was young and wasn’t thinking clearly.

So we went in and I asked him for a pack of cigarettes and he asked me what I would give him in return. I said I’d give him my phone number, but he said that wasn’t enough. So I said whatever and walked out with my friend.

A few days later he messaged me saying he would sell me a pack and to meet him at night. I brought my friend with me so we could split it together since we were both chipping in for them.
When we got there she said she would wait outside for me. I went in to get them and he came and locked the door, turned off the lights and pushed me in the back of the store.

He then started touching me and saying weird things to me. I was getting pretty freaked out and started telling him my friend was waiting for me and that I had to leave. He started taunting me and arguing with me. I felt like I didn’t know what to do. Then he started taking off my clothes and I put them back on as quickly as he took them off. He was getting even more mad at this point and I kept telling him I had to leave again that my mom was looking for me. He didn’t care, he then pinned me down wrapped his legs around mine so I couldn’t run and raped me.

When it was over I messaged my friend at that point who had left and told her what happened. I was crying walking home didn’t know what to do because I felt like I had asked for it and brought it on myself. She told me to go home and forget about it, which I thought I could do.
Well after awhile I became mentally unstable and suicidal because I was trying to hold it in. I had to go to the mental hospital where I told my parents what had happened. They were upset and asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said no because I felt like I was the one who foolishly went out seeking cigarettes and that I deserved it. My parents messaged him when I got out of the hospital and said that they were going to go to the police for statutory rape. The next thing I heard was that he fled back to Syria where he was from to hide from being labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life.

The second rape happened when I was 22 and at the time working in a brothel. A new girl started working there and she brought her boyfriend in with her sometimes to pick her up from work. He kind of gave me weird looks but I didn’t really think anything of it.

Sometime passed and me and this girl got close and began to work together outside of the brothel with her boyfriend as the pimp. I trusted them and we worked well together. I even had them over for drinks at my apartment at one point.

One day she came over my house and fell asleep and her boyfriend came and picked her up. Then he came back to my apartment in a rage and I was terrified. He was yelling at me and I just remember being confused because nothing happened between me and his girlfriend.

Then out of no where he began hitting me so hard that I was just frozen in fear thinking this man is going to kill me.

The next thing I knew he had me upside down on my head raping me. I was so scared he was going to do worse. After he forced me to take a shower and make him something to eat. I did it and while doing so could feel myself slipping away mentally.

After he left I went completely crazy, and came to find out later I was having an episode of psychosis. I went to the hospital that same night and told them what had happened. They checked my body and said that there wasn’t evidence suggesting rape because I had been cleaned. I felt totally beaten down and didn’t bother to go to the rape clinic because what was the point? I didn’t think it would bring me closure. I just wanted to move on.

I have to take medicine everyday for psychosis. I quit prostitution after that happened and now work in sandwich shop.

I hope my story can inspire more women to speak up and out about their attacks. Don’t be held down and afraid like I was.

Thank you for listening, sometimes its just nice to be heard.

— Alison, age 23

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