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Never Thought It Would Happen To Me

I am a rape survivor. I was in a relationship with this guy for about a year and 3 months in total. I thought we would be together for a long time. I thought he would never hurt me. I thought he would never do what he did. But yet, he still did it.

I was 14 when I started dating him. I was in eighth grade. He was my friends older brother. He was 16 at the time. Ever since i saw him I wanted to be able to be his girlfriend. I wanted him to notice me so I started being someone who I never wanted to become. I started drinking, going to parties, being a hoe, acting older than I was. I would do anything for him to notice me. The day he finally started to talk to me was the best day of my life. I felt so happy. He treated me like a queen. He was perfect. I felt so wanted. I never wanted it to end.

On October 7, 2014 he asked me to be his girlfriend. My heart melted. I wanted to cry and scream. It made me so happy. I said yes to his question and he picked me up and kissed me. Best moment of my life.

We had one of those cute relationships where everything seemed perfect and cute because it was. We did everything together. We had so much fun together. So many memories. I loved to be with him. He was my everything and honestly I was starting to fall in love with him.

Then one day everything just stopped. He stopped showing me he cared. Stopped making me feel wanted. Made me feel terrible about myself. He said thing to me that nobody should ever say to their girlfriend/boyfriend or let alone anyone. He called me a slut, bitch, hoe, skank, cunt, ugly, terrible person, selfish, so many more things. Soon I started to believe the things that he said about me. I began to feel worthless. Then soon after he started saying those things to me he started to hit me, pin up to walls and choke me, push me. If I did one thing wrong then he would hurt me. I was so scared of him.

Right around our one year anniversary, we went to a party with a bunch of his friends. I was 15 at the time. My boyfriend at the time went to go talk to one of his other friends and I was left alone drunk with his two best friends. His friends wanted to take me upstairs so that I could get some rest. Me being stupid followed them. They both locked me in a room and forced my clothes off of me. Soon after my boyfriend at the time walked in and I thought he was going to stop them but he didn’t, he helped them. He continued to force me to have sex with him after his friends left.

Everything after that is a blur, I dont remember it.

I couldn’t leave him knowing he will hurt me so I stayed with him for 4 more months. He continued hitting me, forcing me to have sex with him, making me feel like shit.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It hurts me so much. Now I cant even trust anyone. I hate myself. I blame myself for what happened. I cant look in the mirror without wanting to cry. I hate him so much. He still contacts me to this day and im terrified that something will happen again. I dont wish rape on anyone.

Some of you might think that “she was only 14/15, that doesnt count” or whatever. But to me it counts. To me it hurts. To me its scarring.

I am a victim of rape.

— Survivor, age 16


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  • Alissa Ackerman
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