I still don’t know if it is rape. My therapist says it was, and so do the police and my parents, but I don’t want to believe it. I met a group of guys and they all seemed so nice, they let me smoke with them and invited me home. I got so stoned I couldn’t speak or move. One of the men slept with me 5 times even though I was too high to do anything. I was mortified that it was happening but I was drifting in and out of consciousness and knew I couldn’t to stop it. I don’t want it to be rape. If it isn’t, than I was just an idiot who got high and had a one night stand. I am waiting for my boyfriend while he serves abroad. I am so mad at myself, and so scared to tell him. If it was rape than he won’t be mad but I guess I would rather be a cheater than know I got taken advantage of. When I was little I was sexually abused by my great grandfather and I always felt broken because of it. It has made having sex so hard for me and it took a year before my boyfriend and I finally could. But now I feel used and alone and worthless and I just keep feeling like maybe I deserve things like this to happen. It was my personal space and I don’t even know the name of the person who went in it…
I’m so sad.
— Survivor, age 18
They took advantage of you. You didn’t deserve this. No one does. Idk how this works on here but if you feel alone I’m here to talk:) I’m 23 and been through it too
You don’t deserve it at all, honey
So sad to hear that … but its not your fault.Its their lack of respecting personal space and morals . you should report those guys.
The same exact type of thing happened to me two years ago. I had a boyfriend at the time and I didn’t tell him until a year after we broke up. It was my first time getting high and I was terrified and I couldn’t do anything. Last night I was sexually assaulted again and it brought back a lot of memories and feelings and that’s why I’m on here. I think the pain goes away in time, I’m just upset about what happened to me last night. I’m 18 too.
It’s rape because you were unable to consent. It was not your fault and it will never be your fault. Believing that it was rape and finally accepting it is the hardest thing to do. It took me a couple of years to admit it to myself, even when I had my psychologist and my Mom telling me that it was. Just know that it is never your fault. Getting drunk or stoned doesn’t give anyone permission to violate you.
You are not worthless and you are never alone…This happens to so many more people than we think. Keep going to therapy…it will help begin the healing process.
Dear survivor,
Coming to terms with calling it what it is can be confusing and terrifying. I hope that in time you are able to find the words that you are most comfortable with. Just know that whenever that is and whatever you call it, you did nothing wrong and this wasn’t your fault. Also, it is okay to be sad and to question this. Healing comes on our own terms. Sending positive healing thoughts your way.
That is 100 percent rape, you were not in a state of mind to be able to consent, its not your fault at all, its the scum bag guy who disgustingly took advantage of you fault! I’m so sorry that you had to experience this, their are so many evil people in this world who come across as decent human begins, I hope he gets bad karma the friggen piece of dirt, stay strong! you sound like you have amazing strength, you will get through this, fuck that stupid rapist, your so much better than him, don’t ever ever blame yourself or feel guilty for one minute about what happened that disgusting thing that raped you deserves to rot in hell, no if’s or buts, its your body and a good person would have not touched you if you not fully conscious.