Nightmare

In 2011, I was fresh out basic training and attending technical school. Every weekend my friends and I would go out and have so much fun. After classes, the weekend was always something fun to look forward to. We never drank, we were under age so we were always completely sober.

One night I was out at the club with all of my friends. There was a man who was very persistent in talking to me. I was very focused on my friends and not leaving them, until he grabbed me and took me from my friends. I was in disbelief that my own friends had not even stopped him after I asked for help. He isolated me by taking me to a place in the club where I knew no one and I kept telling him “I want to go back to my friends. I don’t know you and would like you to leave me alone.” He grabbed my arm again and began to drag me out of the nightclub. I had nothing on me, no phone or my purse. I was grabbing people, telling them I did not know this man and asked for help, but no one stopped him or helped me. I felt helpless. I was in tears, a mess.

He continued to take me to a hotel room right across the street where he had friends. I was disgusted that I had asked for help and no one stopped to help at this point. This was what I saw as my last chance to get help. Still gripping my arm, he unlocked the room where I saw men and women, I had a sort of relief flow over me. I had tears streaming down my face and looked at all these people in the hotel room. At this point I looked strictly to the women, mouthing help me. They simply ignored and when this man asked them to leave, they obeyed. At this point, I already knew what was going to happen. I felt helpless even more than I had before.

He threw me on the bed and played it “nice and cool” at first. I was still on my toes but just praying that I would be ok at the end of this. He then grabbed my wrist and threw me on the bed. I was screaming and crying, yelling help in hopes that someone would come to help me. This man then shoved my face into a pillow to muffle my screams. He forcefully undressed me and then he started to rape me. He was so rough with me. He had out his hands around my neck, pulled my hair while pushing my face into a pillow. He threw me around like a rag doll. I continued to make it difficult of him until I lost all hope. Realizing that NO ONE was going to help me. I was sick to my stomach and at this point i was numb. I laid there like a dead fish with my eyes looking past him.

I continued to lay where he left me after he was done with me. When I realized he was asleep. I quickly and quietly got up. When I looked down, I saw blood all over the sheets of the bed. I was scared to wake him and have this happen to me again so I locked myself into the bathroom and I had taken his phone that I saw placed on a shelf so that i could call a cab since that was the only number I could think of. Once the cab called saying they were outside, I never ran so fast in my life to get out of a room.

When I got back to the dorms, my friends were in my room since my roommate let them in. They asked me where I had been all night. I was so angry with all of them for not being there for me like I would have been for them. But at that point I was also never so happy to see them. I broke down and just hugged them. When I calmed down, I finally gathered the courage to tell them what happened. I have never spoken to those friends again.

The following Monday, we all were in formation for class. As we were marching to classes I saw the man that raped me that weekend. He was in his navy uniform. I was mortified that he was in the military and harmed me. These are supposed to be my brothers and sisters, but you harmed me.

Today I am a strong advocate to speak out again rape and have people speak up.