Last night I went out to a bar near campus with a few good friends of mine. After a few drinks we ran into some foreign exchange students who bought us shots. An hour or so later I left the bar with one of the french exchange students that I was acquainted with. I had only ever slept with my ex-boyfriend before, and I explained to him that I don’t hook up with people I don’t love or that I am not dating. He took me back to his house and I thought he would take care of me and put me to sleep. I turned to my side to go to bed and closed my eyes but the next thing I knew was that he was inside of me. I told him no many many times, and I was not in the condition to make decisions given I was very intoxicated. I didn’t fight back, I couldn’t express myself. All I did was cry. Afterwards I left without saying anything. I told my close friends what happened as well as my sisters. I talked to a lady from the rape hotline and she to ld me it would be best to go to the hospital and tell them what happened as well as run a few tests. I am still unsure wether I should press charges. As much as I’m told it wasn’t my fault, it still feels as so. I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk and I should have been more street smart.
— Survivor, age 19
Dear Survivor – First I want to say that I am so amazed by your strength and bravery to post here. Thank you for sharing your story with this community. You will likely hear the phrase “it’s not your fault” a hundred more time because it’s the truth. Being drunk does not give anyone the right to hurt you and what he did to you was not your fault. Pressing charges is a very personal decision and you don’t have to make that decision right now. There is not a single answer for what works for everyone and it might be an overwhelming and confusing decision. That’s ok. As for going to the hospital, medical attention might be important. If you go and would be comfortable with someone going with you, that support might be helpful. It might also help to look for a hospital with a trained SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) nurse. There are some links on our site and most hospitals have information on their websites. Please take good care of your self and allow your friends and sisters to support you as best they can. I’m thinking of you as you begin to navigate this journey and believe in you.
Thank you so much, Alexis. Your advice really helped with my decision making process. I’m not sure whether I was too scared and thought that what happened could’ve been prevented or what. After reading many of these stories and talking to other survivors it really made me realize that what happened really isn’t okay, no matter my drunk condition. I wish the best to you, thanks again.
It is absolutely an honor to bear witness to you and your story. If you ever start to doubt that it’s not your fault, please come back here and read this post. Over and over again. Wishing you strength, love, and support as you navigate this journey. You can do it; I believe in you.