I was 15 when I got raped. I consented at first, I mean it was supposed to be a rebound that’s how I got to the guys house. I met him through others. And he lived near a place that I volunteered for. Everyone told me he’s insane, but I payed them no mind. Once I got into his bedroom I noticed pill bottles, prescription pill bottles, stowed in corners and drawers all over. He was very hyper active, talkative, jumping from subject to subject then he just told me to take all of my clothes off. Since I had consented, I did but that’s when I began to feel odd. He got up before we did anything and locked the door. He came back, and without warning, just started having sex with me. I kept pushing his knees and making noise but he told me to be quiet and to stop pushing him away. In a few minute he just kept pushing harder and I was crying my eyes out, still pushing him off. He grabbed my hands and held them above me against the wall. Eventually, I could feel myself ripping and bleeding and I just got myself out from under him and, naked, crawled to the other side of the bed. He was angry. He got on the floor and pulled my hips towards him. He said “are you on your period?” And I said “no you did this!” I was crying and screaming and shaking. I couldn’t leave. I had to let him drive me home. It could have been a lot worse, but it was still bad.
I didn’t tell anyone. I was embarrassed. I felt like a slut, for even consenting in the first place. My mom was religious and I was afraid she’d be ma at me or that she wouldn’t believe me. It was a mistake, not telling anyone though, because now it is too late. I kept blaming myself, thinking I didn’t get raped. A girl messaged me on Instagram and told me about what he did to her and the situation was identical to mine. That’s when I knew that I needed to at least try to do something.
I told my mom. The cops and the courts can’t prove that he raped me so he’ll never go to jail for it. Or for all the other girls he raped. I don’t know what to do, I feel worthless and angry almost every day. I’m too afraid to go outside, to be around guys, to be around my boyfriend. Everyone thinks I’m so dramatic. I can’t have sex now it hurts physically and mentally. But it’s messing my head up. I’m only 16.
— Dana Schultheis