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No One Is Who They Appear To Be

I am 16 years old and was sexually assaulted a year and a half ago. I was assaulted by someone I had known since kindergarten. In a flash, he took a piece of me that I will never get back.

Sexual assault was always something I had heard about happening, but it was something that I never thought would happen to me. The guy who assaulted me was the same age I was. I saw him everyday and we had a class together at school. He seemed just like a normal guy and he was very sweet too. But, then he sexually assaulted me. He smiled while it happened. When he was done, he walked away as if nothing had happened. I was frozen. I didn’t move. I don’t remember much after the assault. It comes in bits and pieces.

Since I knew him, I didn’t say anything because I blamed myself. I thought that maybe I had led him on and that people would not believe me. I told myself that I should have done something to stop it. I kept quiet for five months. When I finally opened up, it was by accident. I had held it in for so long, it just came out. I had nightmares about it, I relived it everyday. I could still feel it happening to me, over and over because I saw him everyday at school. The first person who I spoke to about it, asked me what I was wearing.

The people in charge wouldn’t do anything. They swept it under the rug, like it never happened. I eventually gave up fighting because I was getting no where. I suffered PTSD and every symptom that comes with it.

I had begun to move on with my life, when back in May, I was forced to be in the same room as my attacker. For 20 solid minutes he sat on the other side of the room and stared at me. I felt it happening over and over again. I was curled in the fetal position and crying. He looked me up and down and I could feel his eyes all over me. I started to sweat and had a panic attack.

The worst part is, since no one did anything, I have to attend senior prom with my attacker; I have to graduate high school alongside my attacker.

No one realizes how hard it is; the nightmares, the flashbacks, the cold sweats, the chills. Everyone expects you to move on with your life and they don’t realize how hard it is just to get out of bed in the morning. The attack invades every part of your life and it feels impossible to get away from it. You wonder when your life will begin to feel whole again. How does one explain this to the people around them and not feel like they look at you differently.

I still relive every single moment of it. However, it has gotten easier. I have begun to take my life back, which I never thought was possible. He just can’t have control over me anymore.

It’s time to pick up the pieces and put them back together again.

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