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No Support

I was 4 years old when it started. I truly cannot remember when it first occurred. It went on until I was 6. He would make me touch him and he would touch me as well. Whenever he got the chance he’d force himself into my mouth. He was my second cousin, he was a teenager. For years I repressed all the memories I had of the things he did to me. Years later, when I was 15, I found a photograph of him holding me and I began to remember things.

In 2012, I had an accident that cause a concussion ever since that day I can remember every detail of the things he would do and say to me. I began to spiral down, I was not the same person anymore. My mother took notice and confronted me, I had never told anyone in my family because I feared it would cause problems. When she asked me what was going on with me I immediately broke down and told her, but the reaction I received from her was not caring. She asked about it but I couldn’t bare to give her the details she kind of brushed it off like she didn’t believe me and blamed me for not telling her sooner.

A few weeks later she forced me to see a therapist, even in front of the therapist my mother said she felt uncomfortable with it all and it was my fault it had manifested into such a problem because I waited so long to speak out. Once my mom stepped out of the room I told the therapist that I had spoken out to friends about it and they helped me slowly move on from it. Yes, I still had the nightmares and flashbacks but I no longer blamed myself. It was my mother’s reaction to it all that set me back.

I continued to see that therapist and she gave me the support I needed and she constantly invited my mother to participate but she always refused because she believed it was my problem not hers. My mom’s emotional neglect caused tension between us, and we always argued. One day the therapist said to me if what I was seeking for was support from my mother, I ‘d never be able to get that and that I would never have a mother-daughter relationship with her. I was in the process of applying for colleges and she said, “go far and don’t look back”. I’m now in college, across the country and it all is beginning to haunt me again. My biggest fear is that I won’t allow someone to love me, every time someone touches me Intimately I go into shock and recall everything.

— Survivor, age 18

2 comments

  • ana
  • Alissa Ackerman

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