As a little girl I used to stay at my grandparents house every weekend where one of my older cousins also stayed. We played all the time and got along great. From the age of around 8/9 I remember playing with this same cousin at my dads house (I think we used to play teachers) but something started to feel different… he used to tell me to sit on the bed and play and eventually told me to lay down next to him. Me being around the age of 8 thought nothing of this and done as he said. He stared to lower his hand towards my underwear to which I remember the first time getting up and asking him to finish playing teachers with me (I think part of me knew it was wrong and didn’t want it to continue). This went on for a few weeks until one weekend he put his hands down my underwear and started touching me, I remember feeling so scared but I kind of froze on the spot and couldn’t move.. he asked me if I could feel anything but I was too scared to say anything so I said no. Why did I say no? Why didn’t I tell him I wanted him to stop? He did this until I was around the age of 11 (He is 6 years older than me). To this day I haven’t told anyone as I’m to ashamed and I can’t for one minute stand to be in the same room as him…I HATE HIM!
I thought I would never have to deal with anything like this ever again and I would deal with it myself and bury it deep down inside… but I was wrong!
In 2015 aged 18 I went on a family Butlins weekend away. On the first night I left the main area early to go back to my room (I was missing my boyfriend and wished I was home with him), when everyone came home my half cousin who is 12 years older than me came into my room and asked me what was wrong, I told him nothing I was just tired and wanted to go to sleep. He then began to pull my covers from my face and lean in to kiss me telling me that ‘he wanted me’ and has done ‘for a long time’. I was so scared and asked him what he was doing, before he could answer my dad called him from outside and he left to join the after party. The first thing I did was broke down in tears and called my boyfriend to tell him how scared I was.
This is the first time other than telling my boyfriend that I am speaking out about this because I am so ashamed that I let these things happen and I don’t ever want my family to find out.
— Survivor, age 21