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Not Living the Life I Once Lived

I was rape almost 2 years ago. Not in a brutal way that caused much physical damage. Most of the damage was emotional and I still live with it today. I used to go into huge depression where I could not even get out of bed. I was in college at the time, and if I had reported it I felt like I would have always had to defend myself. I did not want to fight for telling the truth, I was already trying to fight for him to get off me. I was tried and I just want to be left alone. Everything around was changing but I just wanted everything to be still. Still like a pictures that I have framed in my room. But life is not that forgiving and neither is time, so I felt as everything around me was at the speed of light. I could not keep anymore so I gave up. My relationships with my friends suffered, my grades, but mostly my relationship with my family. I wanted to tell them so badly, but I did not want to cause them any pain so I kept it hidden. Part of me believes that my parents know something happened that year but we just never talked about it. I would just stay in my room, trapped myself from society, trying to protect myself from what could harm me. I could only rely on myself to heal, I believed no one would understand.

Now, I am better but nothing will ever be as was. It makes me mad how “survivors” have to fight everyday to feel safe. People do not understand that being safe is what was stripped from us. I will forever feel unsafe and never have the bright light in my eye. It is now dimmed with fear. Why do I have to changed my whole life for something I DID NOT EVEN WANT! why? I have lost so much that i will never get back. Why am I the one that has to suffer. I only have one life and now it is forever tainted.

I believe that if society did not take rape cases so lightly there would be a rapid change. Rape has such a huge stigma in every culture. I don’t blame the police, or even the rapist/assaulter. I blame society and media. if we as a society forever tell the victims to live in fear because they might do it again, they yeah victims will forever have fear. If we mold children the segregate roles that they have to play in society once they are older, we are already instilling bad morals in them. i will end with this quote,”If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.”

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman


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